THE WISDOM OF THE PENIS

The process of erection is dependent on both physical and psychological factors. Assuming you have found that your plumbing is working and that you are getting the right amount of direct stimulation, you need to consider the possibility that the problem may be related to performance anxiety, guilt, fear, stress, or other psychological reasons. Occasional impotence, once again, may result from what Bernie Zilbergeld aptly calls "the wisdom of the penis," reminding your brain that you don’t really want to be sexual at that moment. We assume that erections should be as automatic as salivation and that “real” men should be able to have sex at any moment, but neither is true. So the first thing you want to do is have a heart-to-crotch conversation and decide if you are really doing what you want to be doing. If the answer is no, tell your partner why and/or suggest a better time. If the answer is yes, and you still have erection trouble, you may want to seek out psychological or sexual therapy. It is no wonder, given all the misinformation and hype about men’s penises and male sexuality in general, that most men see sex as in some way a performance. The more you can shift your focus from how you did, how long you lasted, and how much you satisfied your partner to the pleasure that you and your partner are experiencing, the better off you and your erection will be. As Bernie Zilbergeld wisely points out, “It can help men to realize that most women are less concerned about a man’s performance than they are about his reaction to it and to her. Women are more likely to get upset about the man’s negative reaction to a performance problem (anger, guilt, constant apologies, withdrawal) than to the problem itself.”