GETTING HIM HOT

Before you begin learning specific techniques to help your partner, there are a few basics you should know about male sexuality, if you don’t already. This section is meant as a brief overview. A longer discussion of the subject appears in a previous chapter. (Also, you will find figure 2 useful in figuring out where everything is.) We tend to think of male sexuality as the penis – and what could be complex or hidden about this most obvious of organs? But the penis is really just the beginning. Although most men can learn to experience sensation throughout their entire bodies through the whole-body orgasms described in this book, most of a man’s sexual sensitivity remains, at least initially, in his groin. As Dr. Alex Comfort writes in his The New Joy of Sex, “Genital approach is how men get into the mood.” Lampoon it, rail against it, or excuse it, but the truth is, that’s the way it is for most men. The genitals are of central importance to most male sexuality, but the genitals are not simply the penis. Besides the penis itself, and especially the head of the penis, which has the most nerve endings, the testicles are often very sensitive for a man (although they must be treated more gently than the penis). It is important to keep in mind that your partner may not get an erection or may even lose his erection when his testicles are being stimulated. This does not mean he is not experiencing intense pleasure, but the lack or loss of an erection can often cause him or you to worry. Your conveying to him that you know this is a normal part of his arousal will help him lay these fears to rest. It is worth keeping in mind that when a man lies on his back, a gravity draws blood away from his erection. If your partner is having trouble getting or maintaining an erection, it is best for him not to be on his back. You can also help him get an erection by encircling the base of his penis with your thumb and forefinger. By squeezing these together in a snug ring, you can help prevent the blood from leaving his erection as you stimulate him with your other hand or mouth. THE MULTI-ORGASMIC MAN The perineum, the area between the testicles and anus, is also highly sensitive. The anus, too, is very sensitive, but for many men – as for many women – it is taboo, so approach slowly or ask first. The inner thighs can also be very responsive. Many men also enjoy nipple stimulation and experience nipple erections just like women. Some require persistent, regular stimulation to awaken these nerves, while others never warm to this touch no matter how much they (or you) try. It is also worth remembering that a man’s erection is directly connected to his self-esteem. The famous fragile male ego is all the more fragile in bed. Most men know very little about the bedroom arts and not only worry about what they don’t know but feel they are supposed to know everything. As a result, it is best to try not to criticize. If your partner is doing something you don’t like, tell him what you would like him to do rather than criticize what he is doing wrong. (Later, away from the heat of passion, you can for future reference tell him what you don’t like. Developing an open channel of communication about sex away from the bedroom is very important for a healthy sex life.) Finally, the sound of a woman’s genuine pleasure is the greatest aphrodisiac. The more you can share your enjoyment with him, the more he’ll know what you like and the more excited he will become. Your sexual pleasure will expand his, as his will yours.