Since sex is a dynamic force, you need to be very conscious of the energy you bring to it. Sex really begins as much as forty-eight hours before you actually make love; the energy and emotions that you have accumulated during this time follow you into the bedroom. So, a day or two before making love, try to work through any negative emotions, especially anger that will block the exchange of energy between you. The more calm and connected you are when you begin, the easier it will be to reach higher levels of intimacy and ecstasy. Clearly, few couples plan sex two days in advance, so you need to be conscious of your emotions in general and try to work them through as soon as possible. Foreplay, too, begins before you touch one another. The setting you create – candles, soothing music, and romantic, loving words – will help harmonize your energies. During and after lovemaking be sure to stay present with your partner: remember the eyes. You are trying to experience a more profound state of being together, not just a momentary climax. If lovemaking becomes routine or mechanical, stop for a while. This will allow the polar passion between you to recharge. Yet don’t forget the importance of touch and intimacy. The fact that you are not making love does not mean you should not hold each other or be emotionally intimate. In fact, observing a “sex fast” can allow you to focus on these other parts of your relationship, which are as important. Focus on the quality of your love, and the quality of your sex will naturally improve.
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