Orgasm: women

According to both Kinsey and Hite, four out of five women who self-pleasure rely on clitoral stimulation to experience an orgasm. The type of clitoral stroke depends on you: hard or soft, stimulation of the shaft or head, up and down, side to side, or circular touch. Experiment and see what you find pleasurable. You may also find that a vibrator can help you reach orgasm. Find one that you like. Almost all women can learn to orgasm through self-pleasuring. Remember that all orgasms are not the same. Many orgasmic women think they are not so because they expect their orgasm to match someone else’s pattern or to involve the earth moving and the stars tumbling down. According to Lonnie Barbach, “Most women’s initial experience of orgasm is mild, while their expectations reflect the proverbial fireworks.” She adds that vaginal orgasms can be very diffuse and tame while clitoral orgasms tend to be more discrete and recognizable. When you are ready to “go public,” let your partner stimulate you in the ways you have found you enjoy. Make sure to tell him what you like or to show him. When you are ready, try intercourse. Remember that you can take responsibility for your own pleasure. Position yourself where you find the best stimulation and continue to touch yourself or guide your partner’s hand to your clitoris. During intercourse, guide your partner’s penis with your pelvis to where you feel the greatest stimulation. If you have had orgasms at some point in your life but no longer do, you need to determine what has changed. Is your health different? Are you suffering from an infection or taking medication that might decrease your arousal? Many women experience reduced arousal during pregnancy or while breast-feeding, although others do not. If you think the problem is physical, consult a physician. Certain drugs and certain conditions, such as diabetes, can inhibit orgasm. Has your partner changed? Or has your relationship changed in some way? Do you have feelings of anger or resentment that you are not expressing? Are you distracted by children or work? It is important to address any or all of these situations before you work on expanding your pleasure. If you are orgasmic when self-pleasuring but not when making love, you may need to determine what you are not getting with your partner. Are you too focused on his pleasure Are you too self-conscious? Are you not getting fully aroused? Try extending foreplay and making sure that you are totally aroused before intercourse, or forget about intercourse for the time being and focus on pleasuring each other with your hands and mouths. Orgasming before you have intercourse also will make it easier for you to orgasm when you are having intercourse. If you are able to experience orgasm through manual or oral loving but not through intercourse, are you experiencing pain during intercourse? If so, are you lubricated enough? Are you able to choose the angle and amount of thrusting? If not, try another position. If pain is not the problem but you are still not orgasmic during intercourse, have your partner use his hands or mouth to bring you to orgasm before you engage in a coital embrace. Also explore or let your partner explore your G spot or other sensitive spots. Try the positions – you on top, rear entry, sitting in his lap – that tend to stimulate the G spot most. And remember to use your trusty fingers, with or without his, to reach orgasm. If you are still unable to have an orgasm, do not despair. There are lots of resources for preorgasmic women, including books, groups, and counseling. In addition, you should know that with Taoist sexuality you can experience extremely high levels of pleasure throughout your entire body whether you have orgasms or not. Learning to circulate sexual energy and pleasure throughout your body will allow you to experience a fusion of energy with yourself and your partner that makes the “Did you or didn’t you?” question largely irrelevant. More important than reaching orgasm or becoming multi-orgasmic is learning to experience the heights of pleasure and intimacy that come from the true union of body, heart, mind, and spirit.