According to Taoism, our attraction to our partner is dependent on the strength of the yin-yang charge that exists between us. The greater the charge, the greater the passion. The lesser the charge, the lesser the passion. The loss of this charge is the reason many relationships become flat or boring. (It is also the reason many of these couples experience a flicker of passion after one of the partners has been away on a business trip, since-temporary separation tends to recharge the polarity of the partners.) One of the main reasons for the loss of this charge over time is ejaculatory sex. When the man ejaculates, he depletes his yang charge. Whether consciously or not, the man also starts to realize he is being exhausted by lovemaking. This can often lead to resentment and a desire to withhold sex. Although as mentioned the more common stereotype is of the ever-desirous husband and the frigid wife, the truth is that men as often as women determine the frequency of lovemaking. Over time, the depletion of a man’s energy and specifically his yang charge can lead to disinterest and boredom for both partners. Some couples are able to temporarily recharge their relationship by sleeping in separate beds or spending time apart. Duo cultivation allows couples to maintain this polarity and keep their relationship fully charged. There is no reason that love must go flat or that boredom must set in. Though there are numerous reasons that people have extramarital affairs, boredom and sexual dissatisfaction are certainly two of the main ones. Maintaining the power of attraction in your relationship decreases the desire to seek out the charge of a new lover. Inexhaustible pleasure exists in every couple if they are able to conserve and exchange sexual energy. One multi-orgasmic man describes his and his partner’s experience: “The practice has deepened our relationship, our love is growing, and the magnetic attraction for each other seems not to decrease, but rather to intensify.” Contrary to the stereotypical idea that sex in marriage is unsatisfying, most studies show that married couples have better sex with one another than they have in affairs. Bernie Zilbergeld points out that men and women tend to have less variety and to experiment less in affairs than in marriage and that women tend to be far more orgasmic with their husbands than with lovers. Women are not the only ones who are more orgasmic with their spouses. Kinsey also found that men often fail to reach orgasm in extramarital affairs but almost never experience this failure with their wives. Good sex is not the only benefit of long-term relationships. A study conducted at the University of California at Berkeley concluded that couples in long-term marriages become happier and more affectionate as they age. In our society, we endlessly praise new love in songs, literature, and films. We dismiss love between older couples as passionless and boring. “What we actually thought we would see is a kind of fatigue quality in these relationships," said Robert Levenson, one of the researchers. “But that’s not what we see. They're vibrant, they’re alive, they're emotional, they're fun, they’re sexy, they're not burned out.” Recent biological studies suggest that the presence of a long-term lover increases the body's production of endorphins, natural painkillers that give partners a sense of serenity and security in their lives.' Couples who do choose to love one another without getting married can have lovemaking that is just as holy and intimate as the lovemaking of those who have the state's official stamp of approval – as long as they practice the union of yin and yang. Yet it is important to keep in mind that it takes years to reach the heights of physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy and to master the union of yin and yang. It is said in Taoism that it takes seven years to know a seaman's body, seven years to know her mind, and seven years to know her spirit. The saving does not mean that after this you stop learning or start growing bored; rather, it simply means that it takes twenty-one years to really get acquainted.
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