THE CYCLES OF YOUR DESIRE

 You will also find that the cycles of your sexual desire do not always coincide. At times you will feel more desire than your partner, and at times you will feel less. No one who is truly in touch with his or her body and emotions wants sex all the time. However, what should you do if one of you is interested in sex but the other one is not. There are several options that correspond to different ways of making love. Let’s assume that tonight you are feeling aroused and your partner is not. Of course, if your partner is interested, she can pleasure you orally or manually. If she is not in the mood, she may be milling to touch or hold you as you pleasure yourself. If she is not in the mood for this, either, she may be willing to exchange nonsexual touch. You can exchange a great deal of powerful, healing energy through holding each other or touching each other. (The Touch Meditation exercise is one option.) If sex is specifically what you need and sex is specifically not what your partner is interested in, you can of course make love to yourself (that is, self-pleasure). Remember, all of us have yin and yang, feminine and masculine aspects, within ourselves. Self-intercourse, or the union of these two aspects, is a very powerful part of the Taoist practice. Michael Winn explains: “It is possible to harness the sexual energy of the genitals and kidneys and the emotional energy of the heart through meditation. This meditation practice, known as the water-and-fire method (called the Lesser Kan and Li), allows you to literally make love inside yourself and have an even higher level of orgasm, one that dissolves the boundaries between your body and spirit. This practice also has a great many health benefits and was traditionally referred to as a method of repairing the body and the soul.” Because of the societal stigma regarding masturbation, many people are too embarrassed to self-pleasure when anyone else, including their partner, is around. However, if this natural part of human sexuality can be discussed in an open sexual dialogue, you will find that you can harmonize your individual sexual cycles with ease and a great deal of pleasure.