Sex and Aging

You are never too young to read about sex and aging. In the West, we tend to think of aging as something that happens late in life, but the aging process begins at birth, and our sexuality changes every few years. As Kinsey put it, "The sexagenarian – or octogenarian – who suddenly becomes interested in the problems of aging is nearly a lifetime beyond the point at which he became involved in that process."' The sooner you read this section, the better off you'll be. You are also never too old to read this chapter, for according to the Tao, sex is a lifelong activity that is possible and desirable until the day you die. In the West, older men who are still interested in sex are considered lecherous – "dirty old men.” The Tao never had this prejudice; on the contrary, sex was seen to be even more important for the health and longevity of men and women in old age, or what we now call late adulthood. The Chinese are not alone in this belief. A cross-cultural survey has shown that sex is vitally important for older men in 70 percent of cultures and for older women in 80 percent. Closer to home, a Consumer Reports survey demonstrated how different the realities of sexuality among the elderly are from the cultural stereotypes: among those surveyed, over 80 percent of the married men and 75 percent of the unmarried men over seventy years old remained sexually active. Fifty-eight percent had sex at least once a week, 75 percent reported “high enjoyment of sex,” and 43 percent still masturbated.‘ You also shouldn’t assume that your partner’s sexual appetite diminishes after menopause. Many women find that their interest in sex actually increases after menopause, perhaps because of their changing hormonal levels. In the West, we glorify adolescent male sexuality and see a man’s sexual power as peaking at age eighteen and declining steadily thereafter. In the words of one sexologist, “The adolescent penis is the penis at its ultimate power. From here on until the end of life, there is a gradual tapering off.” The problem comes from a general misunderstanding of sexual power in the West. In terms of potency, it is true that a man’s ability to produce sperm peaks during early adulthood, but this is important only if we are concerned with reproduction. A woman's fertility and ability to bear a child also peak in early adulthood. However, in terms of pleasure rather than potency, a man’s ability to satisfy his partner and himself only increases as he gains more experience and control. Although a man may no longer get hard instantly or be able to shoot his ejaculate as far as he could as an adolescent, these changes hardly compromise his ability as a lover. The Taoists knew that as a man leaves the fever of adolescent sexuality with its quick ejaculation. his Sexual Kung Fu practice and his partner's pleasure only increase.