CULTIVATE LOVE

 While most men do self pleasure (feeling guilty or not), few are really able to do it lovingly, to cultivate love⎯make love to themselves⎯while they are doing it. Cultivating self-love is essential to being a loving partner. Sexual energy simply magnifies the energy in your body, positive and negative. If you are feeling love, love will be increased by your sexual desire. If it's hate you're feeling, then hate will be increased. It is essential that you understand the way sexual energy amplifies your emotions for both your solo and your duo practice. Cultivating your sexual energy into loving-kindness will also help you not to ejaculate, it is much more difficult to maintain control when you are feeling anger or impatience. In Taoist sexuality you cannot separate your genitals from your heart because the sexual energy circulates throughout your entire body. As one multi-orgasmic man explained, "I used to actually want to keep sex and emotions separate, but as I practiced Taoist sexuality, my genitals became more connected to my heart and I discovered real, profound love for my partner and even other people." The Taoists have a simple exercise for connecting your heart and your genitals (love and sex). Try it if you find that your are feeling irritable, frustrated, or distracted when you start being sexual with yourself or your partner; put your right hand on your groin and your left hand on your heart, connecting sexual energy with love. If you often feel anger, hatred, or other negative emotions, you must transform these feelings before cultivating your sexual energy. The Inner Smile and the Sex Healing Sounds⎯techniques described in Mantak Chia's Taois Ways to T ansform Stress into Vitality can help, as can psychological counseling. t r Self-love, which is quite different from egotism or narcissism, is the basis for any solo or duo practice. In The G Spot , the authors caution that they have not written a book about love. Our book is also not about love; it is primarily about sex. But the Taoists knew that if you are to stay healthy you can never really separate the two. Now try a self-pleasuring exercise that will help you expand your sensual focus and extend pleasure to your entire body. In the next section, you will learn more demanding exercises for controlling your arousal and becoming multi-orgasmic. But they are based on your being highly aware of your pleasure, so we begin here is self-pleasuring. If you are able to experience the involuntary PC contractions that occur at contractile-phase orgasm without ejaculating, you have already taken the right road to becoming a multi-orgasmic man. If you actually have two of these mini-orgasms, you already are! These will not be earth-shattering orgasms at first, but eventually they will spread throughout your body. For now just enjoy the shivering feeling of these mini-orgasms. One multi-orgasmic man described his experience: "Just as I am about to reach the point of ejaculation, I stop and relax and breathe. It's almost as if I asm letting myself go or fall back into a non-ejaculatory orgasm. Sometimes it feels like a pleasurable twitch in my prostate. Other times I can feel it throughout my whole genitals and it's as intense⎯more intense than an ejaculatory orgasm. My wife often can't tell whether I have ejaculated or not until I tell her." If you have not yet started to feel the contractile-phase orgasm, and if the pressure in your pelvis feels uncomfortable, you can try the Pelvic Massage exercise described later or you can just ejaculate. Drawing the sexual energy away from your pelvis and massaging your pelvis will help decrease the pressure that all men feel when they begin. Also, if you crest over accidentally, don't give yourself a hard time. You are just beginning to learn the practice and to gain control of your arousal rate.