HOW DO I KNOW WHEN A WOMAN'S DESIRE IS BOILING?

Taoist physicians recorded the stages of arousal they noticed in women. Many of their observations have been confirmed by Western research, especially by Kinsey in a chapter of his Sexual Behavior in the Human Female entitled “Physiology of Sexual Response and Orgasm.” We note the stages here not to make women feel self-conscious but to help men understand how to better satisfy their partner’s desires. As you are reading about these general stages, it is important to keep in mind Kinseys conclusion about the uniqueness of each person’s sexuality: “There is nothing more characteristic of the sexual response than the fact that it is not the same in any two individuals.” With this said, we could not have a better guide to a general description of women's arousal than Su Nü, one of the Yellow Emperor’s trusted female advisers. The Yellow Emperor once asked her, “How can I tell if the woman is experiencing pleasure?” Su Nü replied that there are Five Signs, Five Desires, and Ten Movements that demonstrate a woman’s growing arousal. The Five Signs and Five Desires describe what happens to a woman’s body as she becomes aroused, while the Ten Movements describe how her actions convey what she wants you to do next. Before describing these secrets of women’s arousal, it is worth mentioning that we live in more open and direct times than did Su Nü, and you do not have to limit yourself to reading the tea leaves of your partner’s body. You can also ask her what she wants; better still, she may tell you. However, the throes of lovemaking are not always conducive to speech, let alone a clear statement of preferences. Passion overwhelms language, and it is at this time that it will help if you have learned to recognize a woman’s mounting pleasure. Before or after lovemaking, you can discuss with your partner whether Su Nü understood her individual desires. It should go without saying that consent is essential in any sexual encounter, and the fact that you notice that the body of the woman you are dating is becoming aroused means nothing unless her mind wants to act on it. “No” means no, regardless of what her body says. The Taoist texts were at times extremely direct and at other times quite vague. Some of the stages of arousal will seem clear, even obvious, while others may seem too subtle to detect. The Signs, Desires, and Movements overlap somewhat and are difficult to keep straight, so we will try to simplify them below. Remember that these are general signposts and not an exact road map. Don’t expect to notice each stage each time you make love, and do not wait to check on each one before proceeding. Above all, lovemaking should be fluid and spontaneous, and these signposts will simply help you stay on the right course.