Being Versatile

Most gay men are aware of the pleasure potential of their prostate and their anus (if you are not, see “Prostate” in chapter 2). Yet some gay men still disparage men who are “bottoms.” This attitude is not surprising given the negative stigma associated with “getting fucked" and the links in Western society between power and being on top. As we mentioned in chapter 5 in regard to heterosexual couples, Taoism sees the person on top not as dominating but as healing his or her partner. The person on top (or the more active partner) gives more sexual energy (and healing) to the person on the bottom (or the more passive partner). According to the Tao, everything that is active must also be passive, and therefore it is recommended that gay men be versatile – both "tops” and “bottoms." As one multi-orgasmic man explained, the sexual benefits are obvious: “A guy who has been both a top and a bottom is a great lover because he knows what it is like to satisfy his partner and to be satisfied. If you are only a top, you know only one version. The same if you are a bottom.” When you are the bottom, you also have the benefit of having your prostate massaged during anal intercourse. According to Stephen T. Chang in his book The Tao of Sexology, gay men who generally are bottoms have far fewer prostate problems than tops and heterosexual men.‘ Nevertheless, most men have their preference and may not want to experiment. If you are a top who is not willing to be a bottom, you can still benefit from having your anus stimulated and from exercising your anal-sphincter muscle. B. J. Santerre explains: “When people think about penetration, everybody just thinks about a big ten-inch dick or a dildo, but it can be a small finger. Being penetrated needs some practice, like everything else. You need the proper partner to take it easy, and you need to relax those muscles. It’s not on the first day that you are going to get fucked. And if you don’t like to be penetrated, you can still play with your anus. Even stimulating the outside of the anus is very important because you can strengthen your butt muscles, which are essential for circulating the sexual energy. It is also worth mentioning that bottoms can be active as well as passive. The more you exercise your PC muscle and your anal sphincter, the more you can massage your partner’s penis and pleasure both of you. B. J. Santerre continues: “If your anus is really strong, you are going to be a great fuck for your partner. You are going to massage his penis as he is penetrating you. You are not totally passive and just waiting for it to happen. You take part in it by contracting and releasing the lower part or the higher part. You can contract it really fast two or three times in a row or just let your partner get a little bit deeper and surprise him by squeezing it.” Gay and straight men who are just beginning to experiment with anal stimulation sometimes worry that they may tear the skin of the anus or the colon. The solution here is simply to use enough lubrication and to have a gentle partner. Other gay men worry whether repeated anal sex will weaken their anal sphincter. There is no evidence to suggest that this is the case, and anal sex may in fact strengthen the muscles of your anus. Nonetheless, if you are concerned or feel that your anal muscles are weak, you can try the sphincter exercise to strengthen them.