Eroticism Is Intelligent

When a person touches another person's body, the brain receives stim- uli at more than half a million receptors, which decode the informa- tion about the caressed object. During sexual relations, our body is stimulated all over. How can we take advantage of this erotic informa- tion within our reach? Developing Erotic Intelligence During sexual contact, concentration helps us recognize the body's various textures, which are infinite and subtle. There will be unex- plored spaces—smooth, rough, flexible, wet, hot, cold, firm, delicate, thin, and thick spaces. It is important to activate all the senses in order to enjoy sex creatively. To stimulate the sense of touch, the partners, before making love, may perform the following exercise. Take a handkerchief and cover your eyes, focusing all your atten- tion on caressing each other. Investigating each other blindly sharpens our sense of hearing and helps us hear exciting whispers. There are around 10,000 taste buds that are used to differentiate the different flavors. How do they work? Inside the mouth, the taste buds are organized as follows: Sour flavors are registered on the sides of the tongue, bitter flavors on the back, salty flavors on the surface, and sweet flavors at the tip. The body issues different flavors in the course of a kiss. Recognizing each sensation generates greater satisfaction and ecstasy during the sexual act. While the partners stop for an instant to change positions, they can eat some foods that are arousing. They can eat these foods, observe them, and taste them while listening to the sounds inside the mouth. In ad- dition, if these foods are placed on the body, they induce a strange and stimulating sensation. Foodstuffs may be varied: honey, cream, choco- late, sparkling wine—what is important is to allow ourselves to be playful. By using erotic intelligence and creativity in each sexual act, you can take advantage of the whole capacity of your brain and truly be- come a genius in the art of making love. It is possible to expand the limits of pleasure and achieve more than one orgasm during each sexual encounter. Here we reveal the secrets of male and female multiple orgasms. Sexual excitement may be induced in several ways: involuntarily, as the result of sexual fantasies or images, or by direct stimulation through physical contact. The first sign that a person is getting excited is a rapid concentra- tion of blood on the surface of the body, which accumulates in the erogenous zones—the penis, the clitoris, and the vagina. This causes an erection of the penis in men and vaginal lubrication in women.In order to multiply satisfaction, the first step is to concentrate on the whole body and relax in order to generate a perfect chemistry. With practice, both lovers will be able to feel how each part of their bodies has a different sensitivity. When the skin is stimulated by caresses, massages, or kisses, the body vibrates as a whole, like a single erogenous space—this is the principle that is going to enrich the erotic experience. It is important to know that with proper technique and the necessary knowledge of the body, men and women can achieve multiorgasmic experiences. The positions of the Kama Sutra excite imagination and enhance pleasure. We will explain the positions in the following pages. Unlike Chinese bedroom books, which emphasize methods, the Kama Sutra is devoted to classifying sexual relations with astonishing attention to detail and postures, but leaving ample room for spontane- ity, which belongs in the spiritual realm.

PREPARING FOR THE TRUE KAMA SUTRA

The Kama Sutra was written in India between the third and fifth cen- turies, and its authorship is attributed to the scholar Vatsyayana. It com- bines Taoist sexual techniques gathered from Chinese bedroom books with the seduction methods described by the Roman poet Ovid, al- though the Kama Sutra places more emphasis on love (distinguishing it from desire and passion) than did Ovid and the Chinese. Vatsyayana re- peatedly interrupts his descriptions of sexual techniques or seduction to insist that the rules do not apply to people in love, who only have to let themselves go and be led by instinct. Most people associate the Kama Sutra simply with multiple posi- tions in which to perform the sexual act, a mixture of pornography and acrobatics. In the Orient, the true meaning of the Kama Sutra lies very far from this purely gymnastic idea. From both the perspective of the Tao of Love and that of Tantra, every sexual union is sacred and reproduces the ultimate act of creation: the union of the male and female cosmic principles, a union that is the cause of the created and manifest universe. Sexual contact, no matter how trivial it may seem, is sacred and cosmic, even when those who experience such sexual contact are unaware of this. The Kama Sutra teaches a series of asanas, which are yoga positions that have ritualistic meaning. Its purpose is to "divinize" the couple and their sexuality. Without this spiritual component, the Kama Sutra loses its ritualistic meaning. The aim of the positions is not only to experience sensual volup- tuousness but also to facilitate meditation as a couple. Some positions enable them to prolong the sexual union for up to two hours without the need to move much, so as not to disturb the internalization of the divine sexual act. Often the comfort level is such that it allows a com- plete physical and mental relaxation that will lead them to various states of awareness. Asanas also promote exchanges of magnetic and vital energies, and facilitate the control of ejaculation. In this regard, Tantra disregards, at least at the beginning, the position most often used in the West, com- monly known as the "missionary position" (uttana bandka in Sanskrit), in which the man lies on top of the woman. This position, according to the scholars, does not facilitate seminal control. The Kama Sutra warns that although it does describe ways to achieve and provoke greater pleasure, it is harmony that keeps a couple to- gether. This harmony ensues when a man and a woman live as one single body and one single soul. This way their good deeds will be an example to all who know them, and therefore they will be happy both in this world and the hereafter. The main reason for marital separation, and the chief cause of infi- delity, is a lack of varied pleasures, which results in boredom and mo- notony in the sexual life of a couple. Sixty-Four (Chatushshashti) is the name of the part of the Sacred Scrip- tures dealing with the sexual union. Many say that its name is due to the fact that it has sixty-four parts, but others say that it has only eight parts subdivided into another eight. These parts are as follows: l. The Caress 2. The Kiss 3. The Scratch 4. The Bite 5. The Sexual Union 6. The Erotic Screams 7. The Woman Who Assumes the Masculine Role 8. The Oral Union Vatsyayana believed that this name was the result of coincidence and cus- tom, since the Sixty-Four contains more than eight sections, such as the man's behavior during the love act and the various methods of sexual union. Here is an example. The first subject addressed is the embrace. This bodily contact reflects the happiness of a man and a woman joined by love. According to the ancient scriptures, there are four types of embraces. The most elementary type is the Embrace Through Touch. It takes place when a man feels the impulse of desire, and then seeks to touch a woman's body with his own. When a woman bends over to pick up an object from the floor and her breasts lightly touch the body of her lover and he in turn caresses them with his hand, this is called the Embrace Through Penetration. These two types of embraces are used only by lovers who are not sure of their feelings or intentions toward each other. The Rules of Life that were set by the Lord of Beings when he created man and woman are Dharma, Artha, and Kama. The Dharma refers to the acquisition of religious merit. All laws having to do with religious life are part of the Dharma. The Artha is related to material acquisitions, such as properties, real estate, jewels, and money. Whether someone amasses great riches or ends up living in poverty depends on how this discipline is observed. Lastly is the Kama, which refers to everything having to do with love, desire, pleasure, and sexuality. The Kama Sutra is a collection of love proverbs. In India, every man must read the Kama Sutra before getting married. The study of these three Rules of Life leads human beings to attain fulfillment and harmony and thereby to achieve happiness. They must be followed in order for one to learn to be whole. If one of the three rules is missing, the process is incomplete. For this reason, the Kama Sutra is not only sex, as the West tends to see it, but it also includes forms and laws for appropriate behavior that both men and women ought to know, not only for the purpose of being experts on the Kama, but because knowledge of these arts will allow them to overcome any situation, anywhere and under any circumstances.

The Game of Mirrors

Lovers can perform the Game of Mirrors exercise, which will help them appreciate the sensations of their partner. This technique is geared to polish your perceptions, so you can better appreciate your lover as a pleasurable object. 1. Lovers exchange sexual roles, by mutual agreement. This exercise is based on imitating the motions that are naturally performed by your partner in the course of the erotic game. First, one partner performs the active role and then the other will imitate him or her. This mirroring technique is the same technique used to learn any dancing move. 2. The marvelous thing about human beings while making love is that they can acquire knowledge and learn from different experiences by getting in contact with creativity and pleasure. Astonishing re- sults can be achieved by performing this exercise once a week and then once a month. The couple that finds a unique rhythm transforms sexuality into the true art of loving. We have already explored various elements that are conducive to achiev- ing an intense sexual and spiritual relationship. All of these elements are steps that help us get in tune with both our own rhythms and with those of our partner. The steps also lead to achieving an explosive orgasm. Before achieving an explosive orgasm, it is very pleasurable to softly massage your partner with a moisturizing lotion or cream on the lower back, the spine, and the inside surface of the arms and legs. In men, the central area of their feet is particularly sensitive. The liver, which controls and releases the additional blood needed for erec- tion, benefits directly from this stimulation. Practitioners of the Tao of Love assert that it is possible to recognize the degree of female pleasure by discovering the "Five Signs." If a lover pays attention to each of them, he will know how to make the right move at the right time. l. When the woman's face blushes and her body temperature rises, her partner should start to play tenderly. 2. The man should penetrate the woman when he observes that her nipples are hard and small drops of sweat appear around her nose. 3. If he notices dryness in her throat and lips, he should thrust more vigorously. 4. When female lubrication turns slippery, the man should achieve the deep explosion. He needs to keep moving his pelvis while penetration lasts and not stop. He should softly squeeze the woman's body against his, but each time with more insistence. 5. The last sign will be the secretion of a viscous fluid on the woman's thighs. This indicates that she has reached the high tide of orgasmic explosion. At this moment, the man should begin breathing exercises in order to withhold ejaculation for a longer time, which makes it possible to employ different positions in search of the supreme pleasure.

The Depths of Pleasure

When you leave all doubts behind, you'll be able to expand and see your soul devoid of emotion. The smiling gods will line the sides of the road to bid you welcome. When you touch heaven with your hands and your heart flows over the earth, your whole existence will have true meaning. To develop sexual energy, we have already talked about the follow- ing techniques: Relaxation Deep breathing Meditation Another practice that is both effective and helpful is erotic visualiza- tion. In addition, you can learn to develop the capacity to focus your energy on your heart. In a state of relaxation, in almost meditative awareness, start to visualize your lover's body with your mind's eye. Imagine it in as much detail as possible. Then imagine how you could give it pleasure, what erogenous zones you should stimulate, and how you want to do it so your lover can achieve a total state of ecstasy. Take a few moments to visualize calmly and in detail each step you want to take to satisfy your lover, how your lover's body reacts, and how ecstasy is being achieved. You'll notice that a state of inner connection ensues that makes you feel extremely excited. You'll feel a deep desire to embrace your partner and perform the sexual act as quickly as possible. But if you do so, all the stimulation and prior exercising will be lost. For a man, the most important thing is to control ejaculation and share the magic of sexual energy in an ever more prolonged fashion with his partner. While maintaining sexual contact and prolonged ecstasy, focus your awareness on the awakening of energy in the center of your heart, a very powerful energy. Three extremely important spiritual rays are concentrated in the heart, consisting of different luminosities: 1. Pink light, which is directly related to unconditional love. 2. Blue light, which is related to the power of creation. 3.Yellow light, which represents the totality of the self. Continue in a state of relaxation, naked in front of your partner. Start to visualize a flame that includes the three aforementioned colors in your heart. You'll notice that this triple flame shines light on your partner's heart as if it were a torch of fire. You and your lover must perform this exercise simultaneously, visu- alizing the other wrapped in the three colors emanating from the heart. If imagining these colors turns out to be difficult, observe a flame to- gether before performing the ritual and you'll both be able to see the three colors and the light they shine. Then imagine the same fire or ardent heat coming out of the heart and being received by you and your lover. This way the union achieved will be stronger and more complete, before and during sexual contact. As a form of yoga within the Hindu tradition, Tantra emphasizes the importance of knowing how vital energy circulates within the body in order to harmonize the circulation of this energy and develop its power. The body is energy in action, but in order to develop the power of this vital energy, we have to know the points where this energy is con- centrated and distributed. According to Oriental teaching, when these points, referred to as chakras, become blocked—whether due to stress, emotional problems, inhibitions, phobias, or fear of contact, among other things—a person's sexual vitality diminishes considerably. They are seven centers distributed along the length of the body, con- nected to the glands that regulate the normal functioning of the respective areas of the body. When these centers malfunction, we are more suscepti- ble to contracting various diseases that also affect our behavior and emo- tions. Meditation and visualization help unblock these centers and har- monize their functions. The center corresponding to sexual energy is the one that is most often blocked. We can unblock our sexual energy by means of localization, relaxation, and motion. The more we relax and are aware of our emotional and sexual flow, the better we'll be able to control our personal power and enjoy our intimate relationships. Moving the areas of the body where sexual energy flows in a smooth and harmonious fashion helps us get to know that energy and enjoy it. The First Rhythm Is the Sexual Impulse This rhythm is directly related to the mutual attraction between the two partners. It is characterized by the seduction each partner provokes in the other. The Second Rhythm Is Excitation This tempo is spontaneous and is usually expressed more slowly in the woman and more quickly in the man. It depends exclusively on the erotic game that was induced by the first rhythm. It is important to per- sonalize your ardor to stimulate your lover's erogenous zones. The Third Rhythm Is the Orgasmic Rhythm This rhythm is the result of the previous ones. Just like in a dance, lovers preserve an erotic energy of both instinctive and emotional en- counters. This stage concentrates the mystery of the ecstasy of sexual rhythm. The Fourth Rhythm Is Consummation At this level an infinite explosion is achieved that transcends the limits of physical satisfaction and awakens the lovers' indescribable feelings. This burst, this explosive ecstasy, can only be attained through mutual surrender, while following the rhythm of love. When each lover adapts to the sexual response of the partner, the sexual act does not end with the orgasm—quite the contrary; after the temporary release, these tech- niques rekindle sexual pleasure

Awakening the Goddess

The act of lovemaking is an experience beyond comparison, both in regard to the sensations and to the feelings that reveal our deepest, re- motest core. This experience is intimately related to erotic play. The in- ternal female energy has the role of initiating this game, while the male energy has the function of exciting and provoking the sexual impulse. In direct contrast to animals, human beings display eroticism and are able to dissociate sexual expression from the instinct to procreate. Going a step further, followers of Tantra believe in the possibility and freedom to choose the moment of pleasure. Sexual dissatisfaction arises in a couple, for starters, because the first orgasm is only the beginning for a woman, while ejaculation ends the man's erection and interrupts female excitation. These differences con- firm the fact that a woman needs sexual stimulation beyond the genital aspect, since the first orgasm is not enough to truly satisfy her. The question is, then, what can be done so that the woman's enjoy- ment continues beyond the first orgasm? The woman has two sensitive poles loaded with sexual energy. In Tantric philosophy, the North Pole is the clitoris, the most accessible spot and so far the only one recognized. The South Pole is deeper and is called the Sacred Spot. Some sexual therapists refer to it as the mysterious G-spot. The clitoris sits like a bell on the upper part of the vulva. It's the only organ in the body whose function is to generate pleasure. Even though the head of the clitoris is small, most women are able to touch and stimulate it easily. She can also stimulate it with the male organ as foreplay to penetration. But finding the Sacred Spot requires such a sense of touch that it is difficult for a woman to find it by herself. If you find this Sacred Spot, you will be able to liberate the womanly sexual and spiritual potential, which then acts as a healing power. Some women have been able to locate this spot by themselves, by pressing two fingers inside the vagina upward toward the navel while simultaneously pressing down with the other hand just above the pubic bone. If a woman succeeds in stimulating or massaging this area, the spot will swell and may become palpable to her partner. However, for most women this part of the process of awakening requires the gentle touch of their partner, who must be ready to respect the physically and psychologically vulnerable nature of this site. That is why Tantric disci- pline provides methods to assimilate rapidly the knowledge about fe- male pleasure and the poles of ecstasy. The Sacred Spot, as known by Tantra followers, is located deep in the vagina and is much more protected than the clitoris. Finding it and stim- ulating it produces the most intense pleasure that can be experienced, but to achieve this, a couple needs much patience and dedication. If the woman hasn't had positive sexual experiences, this area must be caressed most carefully and gently. Little by little, the couple will learn to stimulate it and this will bring about a physical and spiritual well-being in the woman that transcends the sexual aspects. It is most important for the couple to overcome their prejudices and learn how to kindle the inner flame that sustains the spirit dwelling in each of us. This way, lovers will be able to purify their negative experiences. A woman must know her body and explore her satisfaction without guilt, so that she is able to tell her lover what she really needs. Having a full relationship increases self-esteem and creates a sense of vitality and enthusiasm. Tantra places a primordial importance on love and sexuality. The per- formance is a sacred ritual that seeks to connect one's physical and spir-itual energy. This translates into the names given to the organs: lingam for the male organ, which means "shaft of light," and yoni for the female organs, which translates as "sacred space." In Tantra, spiritual consciousness is intimately related to the awakening of the goddess, who holds the power of universal creative energy. The power possessed by female energy is so great that at times it becomes un- controllable. That is why Tantra seeks, in the sexual act, the pleasure of the woman as a form of ecstasy and as a form of evolution for both partners. In order to achieve this supreme pleasure, the woman's Sacred Spot must be found, but this requires patience and experience. Learning to know ourselves can provide us with multiple satisfactions, both sexually and in life in general, but few women know their true intensity because sex was, for centuries, a taboo subject. Many men and women still ex- perience sex with a certain degree of guilt or disrespect. Maybe this is why most couples don't know or don't share their needs, which pre- vents them from understanding each other. Many people are not aware of the ways of pleasure and tend to be- lieve that sexual stimulation is all in plain sight. But if the woman is suc- cessful in her search for her Sacred Spot, she will be able to experience explosive orgasms. This uncontrollable sensation, and the transforming power it entails, can even provoke a certain degree of fear if the woman is not ready to experience such a high degree of intensity. Perhaps not being able to manage their most primary instincts has led women to repress them, and men to be afraid of not being able to control such an overwhelming force. We need to stimulate and moti- vate each other in order to awaken the dormant energy hidden in our bodies, so that we can get in touch with the very energy of the uni- verse. The power of pleasure is already inside of you—you only have to decide to become aware of your divine possibilitiesWhen we say the word meditation, the image that usually comes to mind is that of a guru or master yogi sitting motionless for his entire life. Nothing could be further from the truth: there are meditation techniques that are static, but there are others that are performed while we are in motion. What can meditation do for us? First of all, it is a tool for self- knowledge and an instrument for relaxation. It can help us focus our energies on the here and now, on the present moment, on the space- time we set aside for sacred love. In short, meditation is a tool to become even more connected to the sacred dimensions of ecstasy.The most simple and classic method of becoming initiated in the prac- tice of meditation is learning how to relax and concentrate on one's breathing. Let's explore the following practice. Sit comfortably, with your back upright. Your hands should rest on your legs, close to your knees, or both on your lap, palms facing up- ward, the left hand beneath the right hand. Your shoulders should be relaxed, without unnecessary tension in the face or neck. Breathe in by raising your shoulders a little and let them drop as you exhale. Repeat this three or four times.You'll see how, when you open your chest to breathe, you feel it expand. Then carefully observe whether the air slightly brushes your lips and whether your nostrils open and close a little when breathing in and out. Focus on the air entering through the right nostril, and notice if the air temperature is different from that of the air entering through the left nostril. Does the air have color? What color does it suggest? The air enter- ing through the right nostril—what color does it suggest to you? And how about the air entering through the left nostril? Where does the air go? We always use our eyes to see what lies outside—but now we're looking in. We see how the air goes down little by little—is it dense or subtle? Is it like a warm light that fills the lungs little by little, or is it like a bolt of lightning that flashes? Become aware that when air fills your whole chest, you feel happy. You perceive that there is life inside of you. When you're calm, warm air relaxes and expands your chest. The most important thing is to remain in the quiet of your inner self, observing what happens inside and outside of you, as a witness to all. Full breathing consists of working both your lungs and your entire ab- domen to achieve correct deep respiration. To learn how to breathe correctly, it is helpful to he down on a mattress on the floor. The mattress you use should not be too soft. Make sure you will not be interrupted for the next fifteen to twenty minutes. Pay attention to your thoughts and let them pass as if they were clouds—do not identify with any of them. After a few minutes of re- laxation, place one hand on your abdomen and the other on your chest, and softly breathe out all the air through your nose, emptying your lungs completely. Try to keep your lungs empty for a few seconds and then breathe in slowly, inflating only your abdomen until you have filled up the lower portion of the lungs completely. Without making any effort, you'll feel how the diaphragm expands downward to allow the lower and middle portions of your lungs to fill with air. When breathing out, take advantage of that moment and empty your mind of all thoughts—imagine that your daily tensions and emo- tions are also being released. Contract your abdomen and continue ex- pelling the air little by little. Repeat this process for a minimum often minutes. With your mind emptied of worries and concerns and your body revitalized by the intake of fresh oxygen, you'll be in better condition to focus your attention on the here and now of sacred sex.

Shaktisangama, Tantra: Beyond the Orgasm

"There is no way to open up other than the female way. There is no yesterday or now or tomorrow, or any other fortune but woman, nor any other kingdom, pilgrimage or yoga, or prayer, or magic formula, or any other fulfillment than what woman provides."

Tantra: Another Way to Sacred Pleasure

The word tantra comes from the union of the root word tan, mean- ing "to extend, to expand," and the suffix tra, referring to an instru- ment. Tantra, therefore, is an instrument for the expansion of ordinary consciousness in order to access the root of the self as well as the un- known potential that it may be possible to use and awaken. The Tantra discipline, or Tantra yoga, was developed through the rituals, practices, and meditations found in various sacred books from India. These books, which are over two thousand years old, were writ- ten as dialogues between the Hindu god Shiva, "the penetrating power of focused energy," and his mate Shakti, who represents the creative female force, sometimes called "the power of Tantra." In Tantra, the universe is alive. From the most distant star to the smallest subatomic particle, everything is inhabited by some form of consciousness. The universe is consciousness and energy combined. In practice, this leads to a respect for all life, both animal and vegetable. When anyone harms any form of life, they are damaging their own life—ecology becomes cosmic. For couples seeking a significantly different way to relate to each other and keep love and passion alive for a long time, Tantra provides some very important tools. Tantric sex does not promise instant results—it is not a "one- minute" technique to gain sexual skills. But for couples who wish to enrich their relationship, it can release a special type of energy that enhances harmony and increases sexual pleasure and intimacy. Tantric sex can create an extraordinary sense of companionship between the partners. Tantra's Ancient Secrets The mysterious and often misrepresented Tantra discipline includes a set of ancient techniques, doctrines, and rituals designed to unite the human mind with the infinite. According to Tantra, the universe was born from the cosmic union of the male and female principles. This conception includes Tantric sex, combining the wisdom of the plea- sures inherent in human nature and the pleasures that come to us through the mystical path that bridges human love to divine love. Tantra seeks the expansion of the mind by freeing energy from the fet- ters that bind it to the dense dimensions of matter. Tantra is the system whereby Shakti, the primordial energy, is released. To achieve this, it is necessary to work diligently with a proper diet, proper breathing (pranayama), proper exercise, proper relaxation, and proper thoughts (meditation). At the same time, making love is an ideal opportunity for the con- scious circulation of energy, and either partner may cause his or her own energy as well as the energy of the partner to circulate. Energy circulates when we make love, but it is often lost due to a lack of awareness. It is important to familiarize ourselves with the sen- sation of a free flow of energy in order to recognize it consciously. It is surprising to realize how easily the mind is able to feel the flow of en- ergy if we let our intuition get in contact with the body of our partner. Deep breathing enables us to experience the energy flow. We can see that certain parts of the body feel awakened, while others are asleep or less stimulated. Tantric erotic positions, known as bandhas (locks), were devised to inwardly channel the energy flowing outward. Hands and feet are used frequently as aids in this extremely important process: to cause sexual energy to circulate instead of that energy being lost. An essential ingre- dient in Tantric practice is to honor the inner spirit. That is how love assumes its liberating and truly eternal character. The sexual relationship consists then of delivering one's sexuality to another person. When someone accepts the sexual act as a gift, ex- changes take place at various levels: a physical exchange of secretions, a psychophysical exchange of vital polarities and energies, a karmic ex- change through the convergence of destinies, and a spiritual exchange in the communion of spirits. All these exchanges enhance the quality of the couple's relationship. Tantra does not advise prolonged sexual abstinence, since it leads to the accumulation of unnatural sexual currents inside the body. Reten- tion consists of maintaining pleasure as a light in the midst of a storm. Tantric texts underscore the importance of "absorbing your partner's equivalent" when there is a release of vital fluids. The loss of semen, which originates from all parts of the body, weakens the man and shortens his life. To counteract the loss caused by ejaculation, the man must consciously absorb the woman's secretions, for which there are various techniques. In any event, the retention of semen or the conscious control of ejaculation is a personal issue, since it doesn't affect a twenty-year-old young man in the same way as a fifty-year-old adult. The loss of energy through ejaculation has a different meaning for each individual, so each must decide when and how to establish his own frequency. At the highest levels of eroticism, orgasm becomes merely a point in time, a further incentive in the state of intense and continuous physical and emotional splendor that lovers successfully evoke in each other. Sex is not considered a sensation, but a feeling. The attraction is not an appetite, but an "eye-to-eye contact." Love is not a reaction, but a carefully fostered creation, a prolonged mental and bodily ec- stasy whose flames are kept alive by the prolonged stimulation of the sexual organs and not by the mere reciprocal release. In this sense, the rituals accompanying the sex acts also convey charges of accumulated energy. The positions and internal contractions that take place in the course of the Tantric union are based on this conception of sexual love. But the special condition of inner splendor that they provoke only manifests when the erotic focus of attention shifts from the ex- ternal and sensorial personification of desire to the inner goddess of which all external women are a manifestation. In this sense, the sat- isfaction of the woman is extremely important, since only with such satisfaction will a woman bestow all of her initiation potential on her lover. Both the woman and man, therefore, are key to reciprocal de- light. This does not mean that one will lose value in the eyes of the other. Quite the contrary—because each will become a divinity in the other person's eyes. Sex is not only an act whereby bodies find each other with a greater or lesser degree of surrender and satisfaction. It isn't a dirty word either. It is the starting point of life. We need to become friends with the power- ful sexual energy that modifies all things. Oftentimes we behave as if body and sex were our enemies. The perception of our sexuality, whether complete, normal, or unexplored, is a true reflection of our lives. When well understood, sexuality holds the key that opens the door to the knowledge of being and our inner self. It doesn't matter if we still have issues pending on this subject; we always have the opportunity to achieve deep knowledge on how to develop our sexual energy through various physical exercises, seeking out those that best fit our lifestyle and personality and are compatible with the people with whom we relate sexually and emotionally. When the body and the spirit are in balance, you start the journey to total and complete love. Tantra's Erotic Rituals We can develop our sexual energy alone or as a couple through various techniques: active meditations, visualizations, rituals, and through the knowledge of various symbols, such as internal colors and energy cen- ters, or chakras. This attitude endows the relationship with many advantages. We grow closer to our beloved with the respect and devotion he or she de- serves, and by so doing, we evoke in him or her, and therefore in our- selves, a higher dimension. Every human weakness we see on a daily basis in the other person disappears, at least during this sacred and devo- tional act we perform. The love relationship turns into mutual stimula- tion for the awakening of consciousness. When lovers manage to reserve a space to see each other and them- selves as higher beings, a type of energy is created that is quite helpful in their daily life together. Sexual energy is increased when stimulated by the erotic ritual. This is the basis for the process of Tantric transformation. Partners who have been living together for a long time usually place too much emphasis on the human defects of the other partner. Even when they love each other, if they have partially lost their passion, they must arrive at the mutual decision to understand each other and feel again the intensity of the first period of their relationship. The force of sexual ritual helps them achieve this. The first thing a couple needs to do is to enter a sacred space-time, which is a lot more important than simply setting aside time and hav- ing a bedroom with flowers and decorations. It also entails entering a unique space-time—an inner place where there is no past or future, a place where everything converges. This magic place is created in the mind, in the awareness that something extraordinary is going to take place. Explained in simpler terms, it is like entering a space where a ritual will be held, while remaining aware that we are passing into a magic place where the here and now prevail—where we have left behind our problems and concerns and any memory of the past. In this space we'll approach the body of our lover as we would sa- cred soil. The body must be washed, purified, and perfumed in ac- knowledgment of its beauty and its transcendental dimension. Both bodies and both lovers are the expression of divinity. By loving each other, they rejoice in life, and energy is awakened.

The Union of the Feminine with the Masculine

Even though it is impossible to know the precise origin of Taoist phi- losophy, it is known that around the year 500 B.C., Chinese scholar Lao- Tse researched and compiled its basic principles into a book that we know today as Tao Te King. Just as the purpose of the Tao is to learn the supreme way to the self-actualization of a human being, the purpose of the Tao of a couple is to integrate love with sex and unite the male and female energies. The Tao is the unity of two principles: yin and yang. The symbol of yin and yang is a circle divided into two halves by an S-shaped line, with one half black and the other half white. The circle represents the unity of the universe, consisting of the yin (black) aspects and the yang (white) aspects, inseparable in every mani- festation of the whole. Within each half there is a smaller circle of the opposite color, which means that each principle contains the seed of the other. At the culminating moment of deployment and expression, each principle changes into its polar opposite so that the force of eter- nal equilibrium can do its work. According to the Tao, the universe is the product of the polarity exist- ing within the primordial unity: rest and motion, contraction and ex- pansion, condensation and scattering, moving backward and moving forward. From the most simple and peculiar manifestations to the most complex and universal ones, every being expresses this original polarity. The interrelationship between yin and yang generates all living things that inhabit the universe. The Tao philosophy is based on the search for balance and the inte- gration of opposing energy forces that are complementary to each other. Yin energy represents the feminine: passivity, night, wetness, cold, water, and the moon. The woman, with all her sexual secretions and fluids, constitutes a yin essence that provides the necessary protection that al- lows the male's semen to become an embryo. The woman contains an inexhaustible reserve of yin energy that is activated by sexual arousal. The female orgasm strengthens vital energy, improves health, and prolongs youth. Due to the fact that a woman's sexual potential is more energetic and open, almost all texts on this subject place a greater emphasis on educating the man so both lovers can reach an equivalent level of satis- faction. Yang energy represents the masculine: activity, day, dryness, sun, and fire. Man's sperm is a precious gift, the source of his physical health and vital energy. This vital energy will diminish unless it is compensated by an equivalent amount of female yin energy, which is why the man must seek to satisfy the woman each time he has sexual contact with her. That way, both will benefit the other during each act of lovemaking: he will strengthen his vital essence, and she will stimulate and intensify her yin essence. According to Taoist thinking, the sexual feature of yin is slower exci- tation, but this also means that a woman is slower to quit at the moment when she needs more sexual stimulation. On the contrary, yang's sexual feature is easy excitability, which allows the man to achieve maximum pleasure instantly. The man needs to learn to prolong the sexual act without reaching orgasm so that both energies can merge and fuse. By increasing the time his member remains inside the woman, he will absorb the yin essence that will in turn revitalize him. When the man's yang force and the woman's yin force unite, they create life in the universe. There are physical and mental exercises that enable a couple having sexual problems to find a balance. These ancient techniques are very ef- fective for people who play routine, stereotyped, or rigid roles in their sexual relations, which may eventually lead to a loss of sexual desire. First of all, lovers should work on developing the tenderness of their feelings and express them through caressing each other. Each partner must caress the other in a slow and soft manner, with yin sensitivity. In doing so, not only do the mouth and the fingers take part, but so does the whole body, including those parts that are not usually explored erotically. While the partners caress each other, both should focus mentally on the image of a sun embracing the moon with its light beams—two vital energies becoming integrated. The man should excite the woman until they both reach maximum wetness in their erogenous zones. Upon achieving this yin sensation, it is time for the intervention of the yang, with the man's penetration of the woman until the couple achieves maximum pleasure. Having completed the sexual act in a state of ecstasy, the couple must wait a few minutes and allow their bodies to relax completely. When they reach this restful state, the lovers should visualize the image of an integrated earth and sky, while holding hands and kissing at the same time. If the lovers start caressing each other again, they may get excited anew and perform the sexual act more than twice a day. If a couple performs these exercises every day for some time, they will successfully harmonize their yin and yang energies and will expe- rience the highest embodiment of love.

Victor Hugo about sex and love

A man and a woman . . . The man is the eagle that flies. The woman is the nightingale that sings. To fly is to master space. To sing is to conquer the soul. The man is a Temple. The woman is the Altar. Before the temple we uncover ourselves; before the altar we kneel down . . . The man is where the Earth ends. The woman where Heaven starts. —Victor Hugo

Tao Te King about Sex

Whoever exalts Life knows nothing about Life— that is why he has Life. Whoever does not exalt Life seeks not to lose his Life— that is why he has no Life. Whoever exalts Life does not act nor does he have a purpose. Whoever does not exalt Life does act and does have a purpose. Whoever exalts Love acts but does not have a purpose. Whoever exalts Justice does act and does have a purpose. Whoever exalts rituals does act, and when someone does not reply, he gestures with his arms and attracts him. That is why: once the Tao is lost, there remains Life. Once Life is lost, there remains Love. Once Love is lost, there remains Justice. Once Justice is lost, there remains Ritual. Ritual is loyal, believing, weak, and the beginning of confusion. Previous knowledge is the glitter of the Tao and the beginning of foolishness. That is why the upright man remains honest and is not found among the weak. He lives in the Being and not in the glitter. He rejects that and takes this.

Praise for Sex and the Perfect Lover Sex quotes

"Offering a philosophical approach to sexual pleasure, the author draws upon Eastern teachings but uses a writing style and termi- nology more accessible to a Western audience. More than a simple sex manual, this slim volume condenses vast amounts of informa- tion into short, practical techniques for integrating mental and physical energies." —Library Journal "Taking from the ancient books of the Kama Sutra and the Tao, lam's self-help guide to lovemaking will make you and your mate the perfect yin and yang combo." —Latina magazine "Sex and the Perfect Lover is not just a list of interesting sex positions. Rituals, massages, aphrodisiacs, and all sorts of strategies to take pleasure to unknown heights are included in this book." —el Nuevo Herald (Miami) "The reader will find several clues and tips for finding the perfect lover that we are all after." —El Diario-La Prensa (New York)

The Kama Sutra of Cunnilingus

Let’s face it – intercourse, no matter when and how you do it, always has the same basic concept – put the penis in the vaginal canal and move it in and out (or back and forth, depending on how you like to think of it) until one or both partners have an orgasm. How, then, does intercourse stay so…interesting? That’s easy. Many couples like to mix up their sexual routines not by changing what they’re doing but how they’re doing it. In short, they change their sexual positioning. We can steal this idea for cunnilingus and use it much to our advantage! Cunnilingus too, has the same basic concept – lick the vulva. Tongue techniques can get you far, but for fans of cunnilingus (both men and women), this is not always enough. By varying the positions in which you perform cunnilingus on your partner, you can tantalize her, excite her and bring her to a more powerful orgasm than you ever thought imaginable. Š Legs Up – this is probably the most popular and widely used cunnilingus position. In this position, your partner lays on a flat surface and you place your head squarely between her legs. This position is absolutely excellent for uninhibited access to her vulva and this is a position that most women find extremely comfortable. The only drawback of this particular cunnilingus position is that it is very hard on the man’s neck to continue to pleasure his partner in this way. Any person with neck problems or a neck that easily gets cramped up if in one position too long should try another cunnilingus position to not only maximize his comfort but to allow her uninhibited oral sex. If you are one of the latter gentlemen and this particular position tends to cause your neck to stiffen up but your partner really enjoys this position, you can try placing a pillow or two underneath her buttocks to help raise her vulva to a comfortable level for you – one in which your neck is not quite as bent. Variations on this move: She can place her feet flat on the surface next to your shoulders with her knees at an angle (this is the most common position) or she can bring her legs up and place her feet on your shoulders for wider access to her vulva. Generally, the latter position is only for women who are very comfortable with cunnilingus and who are extremely turned on at the time. If a woman is not properly turned on (both physically and mentally), giving you such unrestricted access to her vulva may be uncomfortable for her. If you both are feeling really randy (providing your partner has this type of mobility with her legs) she can bring her legs all the way up towards her head, resting her knees on her chest. Whether her knees are bent or straight does not matter – you will still have the same degree of access to her vulva and generally, this particular variation is more comfortable with the knees against the chest and bent at a 90 degree angle. The latter position gives you the most unrestricted access of all the variations – but be sure to ask your partner first if she is comfortable with the position both physically and emotionally. She may prefer to have her feet flat on the ground to give her more of a feeling of control and that’s okay. These variations can also be varied – isn’t this such a versatile position? She can place one foot on the surface of the bed and the other on your shoulder, she can place on foot on your shoulder and the other knee against her chest or she can place on foot on the surface of the bed and the other knee against her chest to allow for even wider access. With this position, just play around and use your imagination until you find the variation that best suits both you and your partner. Š Legs on Bed – this is another popular move and honestly, is not quite that different from the “Legs Up” position with the exception, of course, that the legs are never “up,” however, they are always touching the bed. Although there are not as many variations on this move as the “Legs Up” move, it is an excellent move for women who prefer to feel more in control of the cunnilingus session. This generally is not a better position for the neck, though, so if your neck is bothersome, continue reading to the other positions. Your partner will assume the same position on the bed (or other surface such as a mat on the floor or the couch) and you will kneel and place your mouth squarely between her legs. This is a position in which you can easily lie down, if that is more comfortable to you. Keep in mind, however, that lying down in this position as well as the “Legs Up” position as opposed to propping yourself up with your elbows creates more of a bend in the neck and can increase neck pain and discomfort. Variations on this move: Your partner can open her legs to any degree that she likes while still keeping the majority of her legs on the bed. Spreading the legs as wide open as possible creates more space to access the vulva and utilize your learned cunnilingus techniques, but having her close her legs partially or all the way may help create more friction and be more pleasurable to her. It is suggested that you try several different variations on this position and discuss with your partner which you like best. Keep in mind that if you are not shaven properly, keeping her legs closed completely may irritate her – your cheeks will be coming into direct contact with your thighs and may create a scratching or burning sensation when you move your head up and down to lick her vulva. Also be aware that having her legs fully closed really only gives you access to her clitoris – it does not allow access to the inner or outer labia, the fourchette or the entrance to her vaginal canal. This is not a good position to start cunnilingus with because as we discussed in the book earlier, starting to lick her clitoris right off the bat may cause her more discomfort and pain than pleasure. Backwards – this is by far the most comfortable cunnilingus position for those of you who get stiff necks with most of the other cunnilingus positions. Sometimes known as the “69” position, you will invert your body so that your legs are on the same end of the bed as her head and her legs are on the same end of the bed as your head. This is great for the neck because the neck retains a much more natural position – such as staying straight or bending downwards ever so slightly – and is great for men who like to take a long time on their ladies or ladies who take a long time to orgasm. There are plenty of variations on this particular cunnilingus position as well – just use your imagination! Generally, in this position, you and your partner can choose whether or not to simultaneously pleasure each other orally by just moving your pelvis directly in front of her face or by moving it off to the side. If both partners enjoy simultaneous oral sex, it can be of great benefit to both of them by allowing them to feel more emotionally and physically connected. Don’t suggest simultaneous pleasure all the time, however, because while she is pleasuring you, she has less focus on the pleasure she is receiving and cannot fully appreciate your cunnilingus efforts. One of the best benefits of this position (no matter the variation) is that facing her vulva downwards naturally allows for a downward tongue stroke. Remember earlier when we said that some women (and almost all women when they’re not aroused) can find an upwards tongue stroke on the clitoris uncomfortable? This is the greatest position to combat that! The tongue naturally strokes the clitoris through the clitoral hood and in a downward motion – therefore eliminating any straight on the clitoral head discomfort. As with the closed-leg position, the backwards position does not allow for much more than clitoral stimulation as the tongue can’t reach quite to the back of the vulva and all the way to the vaginal canal, however, it does allow more access than the closed-leg position. Variations on this move: There are so many variations on this move that it makes it one of the best moves, right along with the “Legs Up” position! The obvious variation is the variation where you can either pleasure her solely or receive additional oral pleasure yourself (simultaneous oral sex), depending on the mood that both you and your partner are in. You can remain on top (either pleasuring just her or receiving pleasure yourself) or you can choose to be on the bottom, with her vulva on top of your mouth. The latter might be a bit uncomfortable if you have to strain your neck to reach her vulva or if she, in a fit of pleasure, sits on your face and you cannot breathe. Generally, however, most men do not have complaints about being on the bottom of a backwards cunnilingus position. One of the only drawbacks of this particular position is that one partner or the other is going to end up with a backside in their face and to some partners, this does not appeal to them. This being completely understandable, a popular variation on this cunnilingus position is the side-to-side “backwards” – meaning that both partners are on their sides with each partner’s feet by the other’s head. This keeps any backsides out of the other’s face and may actually be more comfortable if you plan on pleasuring each other simultaneously – if the woman is on top during a simultaneous oral sex session it can get a little strenuous on her neck trying to maintain a steady up-and-down oral sex motion on your penis. This position can go far if you just get a little creative and talk to your partner about the different ideas you both have about the backwards position and simultaneous oral sex. Š Doggy Style – yes, this particular cunnilingus position takes its name directly from the popular intercourse position – but it does not need to be associated with the same negative connotations and criticism that the intercourse version of the “Doggy Style” position can sometimes get. With this position, your partner will place herself on a solid surface (such as the floor or a bed) on all fours, tilting her hips slightly towards the ceiling. You will position your face within licking and sucking distance of her vulva. The variations on this position is what make it so unique – while the woman generally stays in that same position, her partner can alter his placement in regards to her vulva any which way he chooses, making each doggy style cunnilingus session different. This position is great if you and your partner are feeling especially randy – it can feel a little more “dirty” or “kinky” than a traditional cunnilingus position. Variations on this move: This is where the creativity can come in! You can alter the different variations of this particular cunnilingus position by alternating your positioning. By far the most traditional positioning of the male partner is underneath the woman with his head just far enough up under her body to reach her vulva. This is also a variation on the “Sit on My Face” position in which we will go into more detail about later. Another popular and “randy” position for the male partner is to position yourself in a similar manner as your partner (on all fours) and bring your mouth to her vulva in this way. You can also have her get on all fours on the bed and position yourself on your knees on the floor so that her vulva is just about eye level to you and perform cunnilingus on your partner that way. Generally, anything goes with this position as long as both you and your partner are comfortable with it! Š Sit on My Face – This is a great position if a woman is confident about her body and herself, although we wouldn’t recommend it for every cunnilingus session as it can be somewhat daunting to the male partner. Generally, you will lie down on the bed face up and your partner will “sit” on your face by positioning each knee on either side of your head and her vulva just above your mouth, giving you only enough distance to breathe and suck and lick her vulva. A woman must be confident with her body and confident in herself to be comfortable with this position because as the man is positioned beneath her, he will be looking up at her and get a very good view of her entire body, including the undersides of her breasts. Of course, for many couples this is an extreme turn-on but for some, this kind of uninhibited view can make one or both partners a little uncomfortable. Be sure and discuss the “Sit on My Face” position with your partner before trying it. Variations on this move: A great way to increase your comfort during this move is to support your head with a pillow – this will keep you comfortable long enough to perform the necessary tongue techniques to bring your partner to orgasm. The position described above places the woman facing towards the man’s head – and this, of course, is the most popular way to utilize this position. You can, however, have your partner face away from you (facing your feet) if she likes and this is a great option for any woman who wants to try this particular cunnilingus position but is a little shy about her body. This may not be ideal for the male partner, however, because he may end up with a nose full of her buttocks. This may or may not be an issue for you, but if you decide to try this version of the “Sit on My Face” position, make sure that it is not. Yet another variation on this position is where the woman is facing forward with each knee on either side of her partner’s head but with her elbows and torso propped up (say, on the edge of a bed). This helps support the woman’s body and gives her the chance to relax and enjoy your cunnilingus efforts without worrying about holding her body straight and trying not to suffocate you. Of course, there are plenty of wacky, uncomfortable positions out there for you to try and you can use your imagination to think up anything you might possibly desire! Keep in mind though; you don’t have to try all kinds of positions to impress your partner. Find a few that really work great and stick to them, unless both you and your partner are feeling particularly turned-on and the mood – then you can try some of the more randy positions. So there you have it. Any way you look at it, cunnilingus is a must-have staple to any sexual repertoire and if you can master some of the techniques, your partner will love you for it! Keep in mind that you don’t have to become a cunnilingus connoisseur just to please your partner. Getting a good grip on a few great moves can be enough to send your partner to orgasm heaven. Don’t exhaust your cunnilingus techniques every time you have intercourse or sexual relations with your partner – this keeps it from being special! Do, however, give your partner an excellent, well-planned and thoughtful cunnilingus session complete with the romancing and relaxing beforehand and to-die-for tongue techniques. Even if your partner doesn’t have an orgasm, she will feel pampered, special and loved for your effort. Keep in mind that not only is cunnilingus a physical sensation, it also awakens a very spiritual and emotional being within your partner and if you let her, she will share this emotional side with you through both the giving and taking of sexual pleasure. No matter what you do, as long as you communicate with your partner, listen to her and give her your best effort, you will be successful in cunnilingus.

Using Toys

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Advanced Techniques for the Cunnilingus Master

Hands and fingers are the most popular complement to oral sex for both men and women. Let’s face it – there are times when using our hands can give our mouths a bit of a break and bring our partner to orgasm that much faster. There are other times when using our hands just gets in the way. Be sure to pay attention to your partner when doing each of these moves and assess her reaction – if she loves it, great! Keep going. If she seems to be shrinking away, try another hand technique or take the hand away altogether. Also bear in mind that one night she may be in the mood for a certain stroke and another night she may want tongue-only action. This can be said of all cunnilingus efforts though, so keep a watchful eye on your partner. Š Fingering – Okay, this is by far the most popular accompaniment to cunnilingus. There are so many more ways to pleasure your partner with your finger inside her and your tongue outside her! Be wary of just sticking your finger inside her vaginal opening though – you’ll want to observe some niceties first. Couple the following techniques with the above clitoral techniques to blow your partner’s mind! - Make sure she is wet. You should almost never have to use lubricant because you will have sufficiently warmed your partner up first and performed some cunnilingus on her already, however, we know that some ladies are drier than others and may require lubricant. If you’re using a condom, finger cot, or latex gloves you’ll need to use water-based lubricant. Remember, baby oil and oil-based lubricants will break down latex and they aren’t that great anyways. - Whatever technique you use, make sure you do it slowly and gently unless she asks you otherwise. This is a big one – you don’t want to jam your finger in there because that will probably end the entire cunnilingus session and several future cunnilingus sessions right then and there. So exactly how do you go about the whole fingering-while-performing cunnilingus thing? - Slide your finger in and out of her slowly and gently. You can keep your finger straight or you can put a bit of a bend in it if you like to help reach the G-spot (and we’ll go over that in detail a little later in this section). You can also use your finger to press on the walls of her vaginal canal or to go deep inside, depending on how your lady likes it. One of the most popular fingering moves is to slide the tip of your finger in and out of her vaginal canal about ½ an inch – you can even move your fingertips in circles to trace the outer rim of her vagina. Ladies love this because the first inch or so of the vagina is jam-packed with pleasure inducing nerves. You can twist your finger as you go in and out as well – this creates a wonderful sensation that carries throughout the entire vaginal canal. Some ladies prefer two or three fingers, but contrary to popular belief, most ladies prefer only one finger. So unless your partner asks for it, don’t go jamming more than two fingers in her vagina at a time. Again, use your creativity – you can try lots of movements with your hands to find out which she likes best. TIP: Also be sure that if you’re not wearing gloves or a finger cot that your fingernails are clean and trimmed well with no hangnails. Hangnails and jagged fingernails can cause small cuts inside your partner’s vagina, not only making the experience extremely unpleasant for her but also increasing the risk of sexually transmitted diseases in non-monogamous partners. 61 - As far as helping hands go, you generally want to stay away from the clitoris with your fingers. This is not a rule, just merely a suggestion. Cunnilingus is not cunnilingus if your finger is doing the work that your tongue should be doing. Let’s remember that the clitoris is extremely sensitive and a warm, soft, wet tongue feels much better than a finger (lubed or not). You can use your fingers to do other things, such as feel inside her labia or spread the labia out, or tug gently on her mons pubis to stretch the skin out, causing her vulva to be more responsive and sensitive to the efforts of your tongue. The G-Spot Contrary to popular belief, the G-Spot is not as elusive as many cunnilingus and other sexual information books make it out to be. First off, what is the G-spot? It is nothing more than a small dime-to-quarter-sized bundle of nerves about two inches inside of the vaginal canal. Generally, it is on the top. Surprisingly, a woman can experience an orgasm from G-spot stimulation alone; however, the feeling of this type of orgasm differs greatly from a clitoral orgasm. Even more amazing is that it is possible for a woman to have both types of orgasms at once! Trust us on this one – having both orgasms at once is simply an amazing, earth-shattering experience for a woman. Therefore, it is probably a good thing for you to discover where your partner’s G-spot is and put that knowledge to good use every once in awhile. So how exactly do I find it? Like we said, most of the given information about G-spots is largely untrue. The G-spot is fairly simple to find. Place the index finger of your right hand inside her vaginal canal with your palm up. You can also use your middle finger if you like, if your partner’s G-spot is just a tad further up the canal. Gently make a “come here” or “come hither” motion with your finger. That should pretty much do it. It may be further towards the front as well, so experiment with your partner to find out what she likes the best. Combine this technique with some of the clitoral stimulation techniques (with your tongue!) and your honey will be in heaven!

Clitoral Stimulation Techniques

It is important to note here that most women respond well to clitoral stimulation outside the clitoral hood. Like we’ve mentioned many, many times in this book, the clitoris is often much too sensitive to handle direct stimulation (meaning stimulation of the clitoral head – also called glans – itself). An outside approach works best – after all, the protection of the clitoral head is exactly what the clitoral hood was designed to do. There’s no need to go digging around underneath the clitoral hood with your tongue to find the head – this will only cause extreme discomfort and in some cases, even pain. Any of these clitoral stimulation techniques can be performed with the tongue focused on the outside of the clitoral hood, with the exception of the upwards stroke. It is also important to note here that any one of these moves in and of themselves is not enough to bring your partner to orgasm. Moves and techniques must be repeated and varied – keep your partner guessing! Don’t forget, however, that you must also develop a rhythm and keep it, especially close to orgasm. Keeping that in mind, let’s go over some of the tongue techniques in more detail. Š Sweeping – this move is great! It simply feels wonderful to a woman and should be a staple of any cunnilingus diet. It is a fairly easy move – position your tongue on either the right or left side of the clitoris and move from side to side as though you were sweeping a floor. Variations on this move: Using both fast and slow strokes (it is best to start out a bit slower at first so as not to surprise your partner and gradually move into a faster pace) can maximize the pleasurable outcome of this particular technique. This technique can also be utilized with a vertical motion, however, as we’ve said before, licking with an upwards stroke will expose the all-too- sensitive clitoral head and may turn your partner off entirely. You can certainly try it – some women do like upwards strokes on their clitoris. If she responds well, use this vertical motion in conjunction with other tongue techniques. Š Circles – this too is one of the best and most pleasurable clitoral technique in cunnilingus. You’ll want to use this one a lot, because it can rarely get boring! The technique is somewhat self-explanatory – again, you’ll position your tongue either to the left or right of your partner’s clitoris. You will begin to move your tongue in circles around the clitoris only, either in a clockwise or counter-clockwise motion. This feels excellent when your partner is fairly aroused because it gives the clitoris plenty of stimulation outside the hood where it is well-received, but once your tongue gets to the 6:00 position on the “clock” of the clitoris, she will get a lovely preview of your tongue on her sensitive clitoral head. Variations on this move: Again, you can use either fast strokes or slow strokes, and as always, slow works best in the beginning if you choose to use the circular motion in the beginning of your cunnilingus routine. You can, of course, start out with a medium to fast pace if your partner is already sufficiently warmed up. As with most of the clitoral techniques outlined in this section, the strokes can also be varied in their degrees of softness or hardness. A soft tongue works best at the beginning when your partner is still getting her “oven” turned on and strokes with more pressure are excellent when your partner is nearing orgasm. Another way to vary the technique with this move or other moves is to change your tongue “shapes.” A tongue can be pointed to create more of a snake-like, darting sensation or it can be wide and soft, mimicking a puppy-dog lapping sensation. The latter in particular is a wonderful trick to have in your cunnilingus arsenal - it will keep one move from becoming monotonous even though it is technically the same move! Just remember – variation (yet still keeping a repetitive rhythm) is key to giving your partner the most exquisite and mind-blowing orgasm. Suction – this is a move that is best performed when your partner is sufficiently aroused. Suction too early in the game may turn her off completely by putting too much pressure on her sensitive clitoris too soon. You’ll want to take her clitoris gently into your mouth and lightly suck on it – much as though you were drinking from a straw. Remember; don’t get too rough with this move! This can be easy to do, so it is very important that you pay attention to your partner’s cues and movements. If she seems to be shrinking away before her orgasm, lighten up on the suction or discontinue sucking her clitoris at all. Most women enjoy this move; however, some do not so always make sure you are aware of your partner’s responses to ensure that you aren’t using any techniques that are uncomfortable to her. Variations on this move: Although most techniques in this section can be utilized with either a soft or a “hard” tongue or done fast or slow, this movement in particular is best done with extreme care – meaning soft and slow! One variation that you can employ while using the suction technique is to go from sucking just on her clitoris alone to encompassing her entire vulva in your mouth and gently sucking on the entire area for just a few moments – or longer if she seems to be enjoying it! You can certainly switch between the two for awhile – it will give her that wonderful feeling of being taken all into your mouth while giving her clitoris the much needed attention it craves during this time. Š ABC’s – you might have heard of this technique before, but then again, you might have not. This may quite possibly be the best technique outlined in this book, so listen up! It may sound funny, but you’ll once again position your tongue (a pointed one works best here) either to the side or at the top of her clitoris and begin using your tongue to draw your ABC’s. Yes, you heard right. This gives your partner a clitoral sensation similar to that of the circular stroke (most of the movement is performed outside of the clitoral hood while just a few strokes end up contacting the clitoral head itself) and simply feels divine to your partner. But wait a second! If the sensations are really all that similar to the circular strokes, why even do the ABC strokes at all? Well, there’s the money question. The ABC stroke is as powerful as it is because it gives just the right amount of contact to both the clitoral hood and the clitoral head while mixing things up. You get the best of all the worlds – perfect contact, an excellent rhythm but here’s the rub – no two strokes are exactly the same. The different letters that you’ll be tracing with your tongue allow for enough variation to keep your partner guessing and on the edge – of orgasm! Very few men with sufficiently warmed up partners have made it all the way to the letter Z. Variations on this move: It is difficult to vary a practically perfect technique – and yes, we’re going so far as to say that the ABC technique is perfect. However, there are some other “preschool” based techniques that you can use if your partner shows the need for more repetition and less variation during cunnilingus. You can try tracing your shapes instead (circle, square, triangle, rectangle, octagon, etc.) or you can spell words to your lover such as “I love you,” “You’re amazing” or anything else you can think of. You can also trace numbers – count from one to . . . well, until she orgasms! Š Vacuum – This move is fairly self-explanatory, however, you want to be careful not to suck too hard. Place your mouth over your partner’s clitoris and gently (we emphasize gently) suck it in and out of your mouth. This is a move best used when your partner is already warmed up and is fairly close to orgasm. Using it before your partner is fully ready (too early during cunnilingus) may result in her rejecting the sensation completely. You also want to avoid using this move during her orgasm unless your partner specifically requests it. It may be too strong of a sensation during an orgasm. Variations on this move: Use the tip of your tongue to gently flick her clitoris while it is in your mouth – release her clitoris and repeat. Vary this move with just the suction move and you’ll soon have your honey in orgasm heaven. Just remember not to use this move too often – it is a very powerful move and if used too much, can create numbness or insensitivity to the suction. Used sparingly and at the right times, however, can be very beneficial during a cunnilingus session. Š The Messy Eater – this is a tricky one, although it may not sound like it at first. Some women may really go for this (especially very close to and during an orgasm) and others may be turned off by the mere name of it. The best way to find out which category your partner is in is to either ask her directly or try it once and gauge her reaction. Basically, this move encompasses all the other techniques (such as tongue circles or gentle vacuum suction) but in somewhat of a “smorgasbord” fashion. You’ll want to cradle both legs in your arms (her thigh will be in the crease of your elbow and your hands should come up around and rest on her hip bones) and…well, dig in! This is a move where attitude really pays off – you’ve got to act like you’re hungry and you just can’t get enough of it. On the same token, however, you’ve still got to keep in mind that the clitoris is very sensitive and although you may be going at it like you’re at a pie-eating contest, you don’t want to go caveman on her and rough her up. Keeping a balance between the two is really what makes this move worthwhile. TIP: If you’ve exhausted all your moves and are looking for a new repertoire, try watching people eat while you’re out at lunch or dinner. People eat in very different ways and you may just pick up a technique or two while watching someone eat a salad in a hurry on their lunch break or savor a decadent dessert on a dinner date. Make a mental note of the lip and tongue movements used and use them during cunnilingus the next time you go south of the border. You might just give your sweetie something new to talk about at work! The best thing to do when preparing for cunnilingus and the different strokes you’ll use is to keep an open mind. Get creative! While there are only so many different types of tongue techniques that you can actually use, you can alter the order in which you use them, the pressure of the touch and more to make them completely different moves! Don’t be afraid to make up your own moves too! If using ice or hot tea really turns you and your partner on, go for it! If your partner only enjoys one or two tongue techniques but she really gets off on them, don’t be afraid to stick with just those moves to get her to orgasm time and time again. You don’t have to get all the techniques perfectly either to impress your partner – remember, you’re not trying to impress her anyway! Even if she doesn’t orgasm the first few times you perform cunnilingus on her, don’t get frustrated. Keep trying! Your efforts will be much appreciated and she can enjoy a cunnilingus session without having to have an orgasm as a result of it. Just keep an open mind!

Cunnilingus Techniques

Okay, so here we are…cunnilingus techniques. Although there was much information leading up to this point, each and every bit of that information is important in the entire act of cunnilingus. So if you’ve skipped ahead and are just starting, go back to the beginning! Jumping in now and putting your face between your partner’s legs right off will do nothing but put her off. With that having been said, let’s get started! Wait, what’s that? The clitoris is the most sensitive part of a woman’s body and is partially if not wholly responsible for a woman’s orgasm during cunnilingus – why not go straight for it? That’s the “orgasm button,” right? Well, yes. But also remember that it can be painfully sensitive as well – which means that direct stimulation can sometimes have the exact opposite effect that you want it to. But didn’t you do all the “preheating” with the warm bath and the sensual conversation? Of course, but keep in mind that you were only relaxing her mind and body. Now you need to get her vulva involved. If you’re not heading straight for the clitoris, where do you go? That’s easy – everywhere else. One of the most sensual and exciting experiences for a woman during cunnilingus is to have her entire vulva explored eagerly and completely with a warm, wet tongue. Let us emphasize eagerly and completely – make a few sounds as though you were eating something really delicious (well, you are, aren’t you?) and don’t let an inch of her vulva escape your tongue. There are, however, a few tongue techniques that you can utilize before moving directly to the clitoris. Š Wide, slow strokes – you’ll want to spread your tongue out wide, like you were about to lick an ice cream cone. Start at her perineum (or her vaginal opening if you don’t want to go quite that far down south) and work your way up. If you’re not pressing too hard, you can go over the clitoris – this indirect licking, if you will, wakes up her clitoris and gets it ready for what’s to come. This “wide lapping” move is a great first move – it simply feels wonderful to have a warm, wet tongue covering the entire vulva and moving up slowly, enhancing every last sensation. You’ll want to spend a good one to two minutes utilizing this technique at first, and then it can be mixed in with other techniques either before focusing on the clitoris or during primary clitoral stimulation. Š In between the labia – this is a great move to help transition from the wide, slow strokes into more detailed cunnilingus. You can use a wide tongue during this stroke as well, or you can mix it up and use a semi-pointed tongue. A very sharp and pointed tongue is generally not something you want to use during this particular technique – leave that to clitoral flicking, which we’ll go over later in the clitoral stimulation techniques. Remember how we said that it feels divine to have an eager tongue explore every nook and cranny of her vulva? This is primarily the technique that will give her that sensation. Use your flat or semi-pointed tongue (semi-pointed does work best) and work your way slowly in between her inner and outer labia from top to bottom. You can even nibble her labia gently with your teeth (or, if you’re concerned about your teeth being too sharp, you can use the same technique with your lips turned inward and covering your teeth) to give her added pleasure. Again, you’ll want to avoid the clitoris for the most part during this technique; however, if your lady is getting a little antsy, you can lick between her labia and move up, brushing the side of the clitoris with the side of your tongue. This works well if she seems to be craving clitoral stimulation, but keep in mind that at this point, the clitoris is most likely still too sensitive to strike head-on. Another great technique you can use while focusing more on the entirety of the vulva (before reaching the clitoris) is what some like to call a “lollipop lick.” This sort of lick encompasses the entire area and, similar to the motions used while licking a lollipop (and we mean those big ones you get at amusement parks and Chuck E. Cheese’s) – from the outside in. Start on the outside of her labia and work your way inward using slow and wide tongue strokes. If you wish, you can end the “lollipop” on her clitoris and begin to use the clitoral techniques outlined below. Š Tongue thrusting – again, a great move to help transition from either a wide, flat “ice-cream cone” tongue or labia exploring into more focused cunnilingus. Bring your tongue back down to her vaginal opening and insert it gently, much like you would a finger if you were pleasuring her with your hands. You may find that either you or your partner does not like very deep tongue thrusting, so start out very light and gentle until you get a feel for it. Just licking barely in and out of the vaginal opening will give her a great feeling, so no need to try and reach her cervix with your tongue. This is also a great place to begin working on your tongue flicking, which you will use later on her clitoris when she is more geared up and nearer orgasm. Her vaginal opening is sensitive as well (not as sensitive as the clitoral head or shaft) and she will get a wonderful preview of the tongue strokes you are getting ready to use that will bring her to a delicious orgasm. Š Use your lips – although the tongue is the most powerful muscle in the body, there’s just nothing that compares to a soft set of lips caressing the entire vulva. This creates a soft, sucking sensation that will send chills down her spine (and you will probably receive a few moans in appreciation). You can use your lips as an icebreaker to clitoral stimulation since they are much softer than your tongue, or you can use them on the rest of the vulva, particularly the labia. Gently sucking her labia in and out of your pursed lips feels exceptionally wonderful, but make sure that if you are going to use your lips that they are nice and wet (by this time, she may already be wet enough for the both of you). If, however, you find them somewhat dry, you can lick them to moisten them and you can even incorporate this movement into the cunnilingus itself. A great way to use both the lips and the tongue together during cunnilingus is to act as though you’re French kissing her vulva. This feels great! Again, it gives your partner the sensation of having her most sensitive and private parts be fully explored, kissed and caressed. Another variation on this technique is to place your entire mouth on her vulva. You can then move into a gentle sucking or use your open mouth to gently blow warm air onto her vulva. WARNING: DO NOT BLOW AIR INTO HER VAGINA (LIKE BLOWING UP A BALLOON) – THIS IS DANGEROUS AND MAY CAUSE SERIOUS COMPLICATIONS AND MAY EVEN RESULT IN DEATH. Tip: It is at this stage that you want to begin developing a rhythm. You are about to enter the clitoral technique section and as we’ve said before, aroused clitorises are much too sensitive for sudden movements. You can begin introducing your partner to a rhythm (fast, medium or slow, depending on her current mood and the circumstances) before focusing on her clitoris. Go from gently flicking your tongue around her vaginal opening and fourchette to exploring her labia and move back and forth between these moves for a short while. You can integrate any move you want during this time, but the main idea is to get her settled into a type of rhythm so she can know what to expect when your tongue reaches her clitoris. Tip: Again, keep in mind that the above techniques are getting your partner warmed up for clitoral technique and that they are not a substitute for clitoral technique. Should you feel like spending a fair amount of time south of the clitoris (such as licking and sucking her labia or tongue thrusting her vaginal entrance), don’t forget to mix a few clitoral strokes in with these moves. A clitoris left alone when aroused is much like the legendary “blue balls” for men – it is uncomfortable and it just plain doesn’t feel good. You can utilize the clitoral techniques below and integrate them with the moves above for an excellent beginning to a cunnilingus session, before focusing completely on the clitoris and bringing home the orgasm.

Female Erogenous Zones

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