Understanding His Body F rom slender wands to thick cylinders, short and
tough muscles to the flexible épée, there are points to
focus on, not merely because we’re impressed by the
variation, but because they converge with what men like
and do best.
If, for instance, you find yourself over his buns, you
can reach down and bring his penis up through the
foliage—if his member is gymnastic. Or during 69 as your
face nuzzles his belly, you can pat his member against his
belly—or it may not be up for this play and will halt at
ninety degrees. Be gentle, experimental, and have fun.
The penis is a toy in a way that nothing on our bodies
can act in correlation with, plus each man’s penis has a
different psychology.
Here are some clues that can help you discover his
preferences:
k A long, flexible cock likes some hand support at the
root.
k A smaller penis likes lengthening strokes that
unsheathe it gradually in your mouth.k A thick penis likes manhandling. Go down on this
one vigorously.
k If he’s uncircumcised, tug down on the foreskin with
your lips.
k A prominent coronal ridge should be petted from the
top of the head to the edge of the helmet with feath-
ery touches.
Your man’s penis is truly unique. As you learn to look,
you will see how it asks you for things. It basks and quiv-
ers in response to certain things you can do, and once
you learn, congratulations! Equality involves being able
to see each other!
Frenulum
That soft, hairless, sensitive place under the head of the
cock is called the frenulum. Guys live entire, healthy sex
lives without knowing this. If you are enamored of his
cock, you are probably conscious of this hot spot without
naming it. We want to be passionate, not analytic, in
love, so I’m asking you to learn the word “frenulum” to
ponder how to stimulate it—and then drop it, if you will,
from your active vocabulary.
The frenulum resembles a “V” under the urethral
opening. The particular sensitivity associated with it is
either in an area the size of a shirt button, or extends
up to an inch down the underside of the shaft. In my
ultimate guide to oral sex
46experience, it’s the same deal for the uncircumcised
male, except that the frenulum starts at the inner skin
of the head (and converges with the rest of the penis).
k Your hands support the shaft to stabilize the caress of
your mouth on the frenulum. The coolest thing of all
is to see how you can affect it. Your most potent move
is to strum it with quick licks of your tongue. At each
stroke his pleasure perks. A really witty touch is to tap
on the shaft while you are tonguing the frenulum in
your mouth.
k In 69 you can lap the frenulum crosswise with the
underside of your tongue.
k When the top portion of the penis is in your mouth,
locate and sculpt this feature with your tongue.
You can only “make whoopee” on the frenulum if
you’re involved in passionate foreplay. Somehow, where-
as a man can rise up on his own, you still have to get him
into a very erotic mood. The brain has to communicate
to the nerve endings all over his body before he goes wild
when you tongue the frenulum, so save this up for an
optimal moment!
The Family Jewels
Inside the scrotum lie the testicles, the glands where
sperm and male hormones are produced. They hang out-
side the body as a cooling mechanism, and, biologically
understanding his body
47speaking, as a provocation to the female. One is located
slightly higher, and the lower testicle is a bit larger, a neat
anatomy so men with big balls can sit down. At a man’s
peak of excitement, called inevitability, the testicles rise
up under the penis. You can learn to read this clarion call
that “testifies” to his state.
When it comes to the balls, you can be sure that your
showing up is the best part. So many women neglect
them. We should not view them as an afterthought.
We know that men get hurt in this area. To be hit in
the testicles practically paralyzes a man and knocks the
breath out of him. They are very sensitive, but here’s
where you find the great variation from one man to
another. One man can’t get enough of your tugging and
suckling his balls, while another wants the lightest tap-
ping and feather strokes with your fingertips. Another
guy’s balls are perked for a handball game. Wide open
legs in sex play are a clue to the less sensitive, playful-
type balls. Heavy balls like to be cupped. Some scrotums
are really dwarfed by the penis, but once you nuzzle them,
the testicles will swell and peak with delight.
Don’t hesitate, as that really breaks the mood for a
man, but do be observant of what delights him and what
doesn’t. You can’t tell by his words, but his body language
will reveal this.
ultimate guide to oral sex
48k Begin by cupping and weighing. Tug on them with
one hand while you down-stroke on his penis.
k He may like you to chase the testicles. It’s a bit like
bobbing for apples when you do it with your mouth.
k Every guy likes flickering licks, and you can progress
from licking softly to licking more firmly. Nibble
(with your lips wrapped around your teeth, naturally).
You’ll soon find out how tender or resilient this area
is. Probe between and under with your finger pads and
thumb. The most all-American guy saw I had an
adventurous spirit and asked one of those questions
you can tell somebody’s wanted to ask for a long time:
“Can you get them both in your mouth together?”
Well, you can have fun trying.
k Move forward and back in your caresses, grasping first
one portion, then another. This sends the subliminal
message, “You are so big.”
k Change the temperature of your mouth. Ice your
mouth—take a drink of ice water or a cold soda—the
testicles really wake up to this. Another way is to
open the window on a cold day or when there’s a cool
breeze. Throw a cover over his midsection and leave
his balls naked.
k Using your forefinger rub the perineum in circular
motions, while with your ring finger and pinkie you
tap his balls.
understanding his body
49k As you caress the cleft of his buttocks, ask him how he
wants to have you touch him here (the testicles). This
gives the advantage of already doing something to
him when you communicate. (Based on my experi-
ence, all the talk about verbalizing what you like in
sex does not correspond with what most real guys
want to do with us.) The principle of touching while
you talk is parallel to what you do during a massage by
keeping one hand on the body while using the other
to, for example, reach for the massage oil.
k Hold up his buttocks for better access. He may be a
little too heavy for you to handle, but he will be eager
to help out. Lie sideways, prop yourself on an elbow,
and do all of the above.
Pleasures of the Perineum
Here is a sensitive male region where it’s nice if you have
soft, smooth fingers. If the goings-on occur in the bed-
room, apply a non-perfumey, unsticky lotion to your
hands before you start. (Caswell-Massey, Kneipp, or
Yardley are quickly absorbed and pleasantly herbal.) If
you are lying down he arches up, or if he’s under you, up
he goes when you grab his rear. The perineum, located
between the scrotum and the anus, is before you.
The perineum, discovered of late by sex therapists, is
worth the search. It’s packed with nerve endings, though,
ultimate guide to oral sex
50remember, it’s you who excites your guy with your lustful
fingers, not some anonymous tap dance on Spot X.
Up inside, to the north of this area, is the prostrate
gland. When you press your fingers on the perineum, his
seed starts to stream up, raring to go. The important
thing to understand is that he can be aroused at a low or
high level. Brushing and pressing on the perineum is one
way to transport him into an erotic trance. It is also a
means to maintain your honey’s sexual function, mood,
and interest overall. (In line with the fundamental truth
of “use it or lose it”).
k Try this: When you are making love, raise his buttocks
(if you’re down in the region) or part his legs a bit if
he’s in doggie posture and caress this plain, unmarked
erotic zone without doing anything else to him. Just
kiss, stroke, or massage that one place, and you will
see his penis leap like a pup, twitch, or show some
other happy reaction of his physique. It’s incredible
that we can maintain healthy sex organs in a man by
how we touch him during sex.
While we’re on the subject of the prostate: So many
aspects of stressful living can reduce a man’s sexual
function, including performance, initiation of sexual inter-
course, and the ability to maintain an erection. If he’s
sweating an exam he gets “testy,” meaning something’s off
with his testosterone. Even at twenty this can happen, so
understanding his body
51this is not just about older men. If he’s testy for weeks or
months, his testosterone level should be checked. It’s been
proven that testosterone really is high-test, and relates not
only to a man’s libido, but also to his mood and sense of
well-being. Dr. Ronald Klatz, the president of the
American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine, points out
that testosterone also increases some mental functions,
“particularly visual spatial ability used, for example, in
reading a map.” We all know how a fatigued, irritable male
will drive you to the wrong state, which we hate!
Pesky Hair
Some men shed like Afghan hounds. It can be so bad you
wonder if it’s an aroused porcupine, shedding its quills
because you’re having hot sex. What to do if your man is
like Brillo down there and sheds?
First off, you avoid it. The moment a hair floats out
onto your lip, lift off him and give him a reassuring caress
that says, “More on the way,” and dispose of that hair.
If you feel the hair in your mouth, use serious tongue
action to work it to the front of your mouth so you can
daintily spit it out. If he’s a chronic shedder, you’ll learn
to relax and realize you can edge the hair out of your
mouth while you keep his member inside. Please don’t
avoid the problem; that will only lead to worse trouble
when you’re coughing the hair out of your tonsils!
ultimate guide to oral sex
52Some women never encounter a hair; but if you do
love a shedder, the up side is it’s so cute to find a curly fol-
licle in your bed, so don’t get crazy about it!
The Guy Spots
Men are only orgasmic through the penis, but all over
their bodies are pressure points where excitement is trig-
gered and pleasure intensified. Basically, men have to let
down their guard for the sex to be great. The more they
let go of tension the more blood flows to the genital area,
increasing the power of orgasm. If you’ve enjoyed a shi-
atsu massage, you have had the experience of extreme
well-being transmitting through your system. In order to
find his “guy spots,” use the pads of your fingers to locate
areas that bring him the greatest pleasure and then
remember these spots. Let’s review how you would do
this on a sample guy. You’ll see how there are special ways
to prime him using the “guy spots” to intensify his
orgasm.
k Take your time, using the finger pads, to locate where
he’s sensitive. This is done not in the moment of
greatest heat, but during foreplay, when he still can
communicate. You guide and confirm. “Tell me what
you want” is a turn-on, but you don’t really need the
words. Let him move your hand on the Ouija board of
his back, legs, neck, or pelvis.
understanding his body
53k Pinch and roll your fingers on his earlobes, knead the
buttocks, edge a few inches above the hips towards his
back, capture his ankles. You may use your mouth for
some of this investigating, but mostly it’s a play of fin-
gers. Massage the flat part between the balls and the
back door (perineum). Whatever you touch, hold for
a count of five. If his cock surges, twitches, or perks,
you’ve found a “guy spot.” Remember to breathe
while you plant your fingers with a slow, gradual pres-
sure. Your fingers will go naturally to the eye of his
sensation, hence the Ouija board analogy.
k Sex experts will say to kiss the nipples. I have yet to
find a guy who gets off on having his nipples fooled
around with, although there are always some guys
who would be in favor. So when I contact his nips and
feel it’s not happening, I move on. The perineum is a
shoo-in, but mostly you only know erotic points by
exploring that particular man.
Plan the encounter to concentrate attention on these
spots during the blow job. He may, for instance, give a
beatific sigh when you clasp his ankles, or when you sink
your fingertips in his backside or the hollows of his lower
abdomen. Think of these sexual points as a constellation
of stars. The next time you and he have sex, you are
going to stimulate that place on his ankles and on his
backside in various ways. The finger pressure is just the
ultimate guide to oral sex
54beginning, you can also tease with your tongue, knead
with your knuckles, and even nudge with your knees.
The Male G-Spot
Ellen Barnard, of the adult store A Woman’s Touch, pro-
vides this tip on spelunking for pleasure:
“So there you are, using your talents on his penis, and
you wonder, ‘Could I make this even more fun?’ Yes,
indeed, there’s a particular spot that could add quite a bit
of zing to his pleasure. The easiest way to find the male
G-spot, which is actually called the prostate or his P-
spot, is to slip a very well lubricated finger into his anus,
and curl your finger forward toward his belly button from
the inside. (You can get a snug-fitting latex or non-latex
exam glove and wear that and lube the outside—it will
be very slippery.) You should feel a smooth surface that is
the rectum, and then a lump, sometimes described as
feeling like a spongy walnut. This is his P-spot, and some
guys like it pressed, some like it rubbed back and forth,
some like it tapped. Some guys will come immediately if
you press the P-spot.”
k Be warned, some men are shy of their butts, so before
sticking a finger up, be sure to check out his general
receptiveness to having his butt touched. How do you
know if he thinks that his butt is another pleasure
spot or a no-fly zone? Start by lubing up a finger and
understanding his body
55massaging the outside of his anus, slipping a finger in
if he relaxes and opens up for you. If he’s worried that
anal pleasure means that he’s gay, remind him that
butts don’t have a sexual preference, and that we all
have nerve endings that like stimulation.
k If he won’t let you explore his P-spot from the inside,
you can still give him some P-spot pleasure by rub-
bing his perineum firmly (that’s the spot right behind
his balls but before the opening to his anus). Try
depressing it, stroking it, or patting it, and then ask if
he likes that.
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The Wow Effect:
Men Weigh In A friend of mine is a forty-year-old former champion
figure skater, now an investment banker who skates
for fun. I asked him how he can do the leaps and turns so
beautifully over and over. His answer resonates with me.
“To continue to be good you need to feel that you don’t
know what will happen. You surprise yourself and that is
motivational.”
You are confident and passionate, but also be obser-
vant. It’s a most exquisite pleasure to slip into your
partner’s fantasies.
When does he moan? When does he forget where and
what he is, and go into orbit? It’s a learning curve, and
the way you stay inventive is to back off from this move
or position, and see his response, and what he clamors for
next. Even after years of sex with one person, you are
making love in the unknown. As Joseph Campbell said,
“The perfectly known future is a past.”Let’s Hear From the Men!
“The best blow job I ever had was one day last summer,
driving home from the Yankee game. My girlfriend and I
were stuck in traffic on the Cross Bronx Expressway,
when all of a sudden she leans across the center divide,
unzips my pants, and gives it to me in front of a multitude
of passing trucks, returning Yankee fans, and sundry
other Saturday afternoon drivers. Because my car was
barely moving, I got a chance to observe the shocked
faces of the eighteen-wheeler jockeys as they realized
what they were watching.”
“I love being licked. I once had this girl who would
start on my toes, tonguing each baby bear until she
reached papa bear, which she put into her mouth and
gently sucked. Because I am extremely ticklish, this
caused me to squirm with delight. Working her way
north, she licked my ankles, my calf, the back of my
knee, and when she started up the inner surface of my
thigh, I almost came right then. When she finally
reached the holy land, I was already halfway to heaven.”
“I don’t know what other guys fantasize about, but
when it comes to blow jobs I try to imagine what it would
be like getting one in the most unusual places. Here is my
list of some favorites:
ultimate guide to oral sex
58k I’d love to get blown by a secretary who comes into
my office, shuts my door, and discreetly places herself
under my desk to do me while I continue with my
work. It would be even better if someone walked in
and had a conversation with me, not knowing what
was going on in my desk well.
k I also love the idea of high-risk blow jobs; either doing
it in dangerous places, like on the scaffolding of a
building under construction, or in a public place where
you could easily be discovered, like in an elevator, or
in the far reaches of a public library.
k Another is in a swimming pool, with a woman who
excels at holding her breath.
k I’ve also thought about getting one on a ride in an
amusement park. Debby does Disneyland!”
“Sarah was twenty-two, I was twenty-six at the time.
She was a friend of a friend. We gained an intimacy
where we decided ‘to try each other out.’ She came over
one day, came up behind me in the kitchen, and slowly
dropped my boxers. She slid her hand underneath
(between my legs) and stroked me like a thoroughbred
horse. I turned around, 80 percent stiff, and she licked
up and down the underside, stopping at the balls and
slowly sucking on them. Her hand circled the head as
she softly sucked on the balls. I like that. It was very long
the wow effect: men weigh in
59after that I had a very satisfying explosion. The key to it
was her manipulation of the head. She circled the head
while stroking, anticipating the explosion by feeling the
underside tube filling up. She clamped down on the
head, gently squeezed the balls, and allowed release
while covering the head with her lips. Oh my. Makes me
somewhat aroused just thinking about it.”
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Working Your Body
Application of Tongue C learly the tongue is a sculpting tool in oral sex. Your
mouth has a tongue, your vagina doesn’t, which
explains why oral sex is the favorite way for many sexu-
ally experienced men to finish off.
k Your tongue moves about continuously as you think
and feel (not just when eating). Giving oral sex, you
are going to use your tongue so much it aches—as if
you were practicing the saxophone.
k It took years for me to understand that my tongue
doubled as a sex organ. The first time you French kiss,
the contact of tongues is shocking. Remember how
you felt, “This is so intimate!” You were right!
I want you to discover your tongue all over again, and
apply this to increase the pleasure of your partner.
Usually your tongue comes into play after you’ve
kissed his head and drawn him in and out of your mouth
a bit. The tongue is like the main act that makes adramatic entrance. When you see oral sex in a porn
movie or in an instructional video, you’ll notice how
once the woman starts to tongue the penis, she goes for
it hot and heavy. This is so witless! The tongue of a
Labrador Retriever may lick its leg with that steady
determination, but you want to be more of a pussycat
whose tongue flicks, teases, and syncopates.
I’d like to give you a lovely exercise to try or at least
imagine. Slip a polyurethane glove on the hand you
write with. Dip your forefinger in whipped cream. Now,
flick your tongue every which way—rapidly, slowly,
and even more slowly. The reason for the weird part of
wearing the glove is the finger will be warm and
sensate, but will feel like a foreign body part through
the glove.
You can get your tongue ready for the big act with
popsicles as well. The low-calorie ones are a dessert of
choice, and it’s important your practice be both frequent
and guiltless. Go for something cranberry or orange, not
a two-scoop ice-cream cone with sprinkles. However, if
you are eating an ice-cream cone, do register the happi-
ness of your tongue.
Whether on the proxy or on your lover, have your
tongue:
k Side swipe
k Use only the tip
ultimate guide to oral sex
62k Flick against the corona and on the underside of the ridge
k Do a slow burn
k Go flat against the testicles
k Curl upwards from the perineum, against the testicles.
Continue flicking with your tongue when he’s in your
mouth. These “butterfly” moves are enhancements that
drive a man wild. It sounds obvious, but lots of women
don’t do this.
Finally, don’t try so hard. The women in the aforemen-
tioned films use their tongue like a surgical instrument,
but I recommend you think of it as sculpting tool.
Your Lips Co-Star
k Nibble like a bunny. Apply your lips softly then
firmly. Pucker. You can pucker in a dainty way, or
you can use your lips on him, big, wide, and bold.
k Use vitamin E on your lips. This heals, smoothes, and
rejuvenates. Use a lipstick that temporarily plumps
your lips.
k Lick lime juice or a minty mouthwash onto your lips.
What’s on your lips can give him piquant sensations.
k Moisten your lips now and then, and they will feel
nicer on his genitalia. A glass of water nearby comes
in very handy.
k Your lips create a range of sensations during oral sex.
Imagine you press them into the feathery back of a
working your body
63swan; kiss a piece of quartz; kiss custard, a slice of
mango, or a persimmon.
k Say “Ooooooh.” Use this movement sometimes dur-
ing oral sex, and sometimes pucker your lips around
him as you would on an old-fashioned Coke bottle.
k Blow your lover a fervid kiss as he leaves on a trip. Use
the ardor of that after he orgasms on his spent member.
k In addition, you can focus your lips on the tip, while
you wrap your hands around his hips and actually
maneuver him in and out. Since the lips are dainty
and the hands are holding strong and fast, it’s an
exciting juxtaposition for him.
k Sex guides tell you to mask your teeth. I say teeth and
tongue work together. Lips of a soft mouth caress the
penis and especially the balls, while the teeth graze.
Hand and Mouth Ensemble
How you use your hands to give a blow job is significant.
Dr. Knox, a marriage and family therapist and the
founder of heartchoice.com, says that some women
think only their mouth is important. However, it is the
hands with the mouth that get the job done. The
woman needs to have her hands in motion as her mouth
is the one on the shaft, therefore neglecting the
testicles. She’ll hear him groan and know she’s making
her way home.
ultimate guide to oral sex
64I don’t much care for rules in sex. In fact, this book
breaks one of the biggest, which is the tit-for-tat rule of
sex. So, though we get to hear what Dr. Knox has to say,
let’s at least break down the rule, because by varying one
hand or two, you’ll be even better at oral sex.
Once you have your mouth on the head and are going
down, you can continue to squeeze and stroke down with
your hand. This creates a continuum of sensation paral-
lel to his going deeper inside the vagina. However, you
can also encircle the shaft while you move up and down,
suck, lick, etc., without pressure and barely touching the
shaft. The penis has an incredible musculature that likes
to find its own way, and doesn’t like to be constrained.
When the rhythm of his thrusts is established, you can
abandon the shaft altogether and join the activity of your
other hand, which has been roaming, cupping, petting,
probing, and massaging. The most interesting way your
hands work with your mouth is in slowing down and
moving up launch time. Whatever stimulates him
most—like tonguing his perineum or tapping his balls—
you do while your mouth or hand is busy with his penis.
When you feel his excitement peak, take away your
hands, or take away your mouth. You continue the
caressing contact, but in this fashion you distract him
from climax. It’s like a storm at sea that, as it builds, sends
more and more powerful waves to shore.
working your body
65It is unwise to crowd him with all your favors for the
whole blow job. Change your grip, and remember to drop
the level of stimulation as, overall, it ascends.
The Inner and Outer Cheek Caress
k The fleshy lining of the cheek is similar to what the
penis makes contact with inside a woman. If you open
your mouth and relax your jaw, the penis can push
against the cheek and also nuzzle against it for
moments as you encircle it.
k Your cheek can also be a sort of chilled martini. Suck
on ice cubes before you bring him inside. If you keep
a piece of ice in your cheek, you can work it around to
touch the head of the penis.
k The cheek can give an affectionate hug, patting the
shaft, or dragging the penis across it. This affectionate
gesture becomes a subliminal memory, so when he
kisses your cheek he feels an erotic surge.
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Showing Your Response D o you enjoy having sex? If you do, you are fortunate.
“I’d rather peel an onion than have sex,” an attrac-
tive attorney confessed to me. Both of us were on a flight
back from Miami. I didn’t tell her to give her husband
oral sex, as I might have if I’d known her better. But I did
say, “Go home and light some candles, take a bubble
bath, and let the two of you bond.”
Because you are reading this book, I know you’d prefer
to peel off his clothes than peel the onion; but how does
he know when you are on the top of the world with him?
It comes from expressing passion with wild erotic
movements and noises, like screaming and operatic
notes. Or, if you’re more into the loving end of things,
you can respond quietly—a brook splashing in a deep for-
est. Some men elicit a more verbal response. My friend
Marty says for her, the best lover is very verbal:
“Expressing with words or sounds is key. To have really
quiet sex and go about your business is not fun.”
Silence can be responsive also. You show your passionby sheer enthusiasm that comes over you. As my friend
Gail says, “If you act tired and shift your weight, and he
thinks you are doing this as a favor, it’s no turn on. I
make sounds in the back of my throat—appreciative
sounds and purring; any vocalizing as if you are making
love in the classic way. If you do a little of what you do
during intercourse, it conveys involvement.”
Depending on how turned on you are, your response
is warm and joyful. To remember to show a response, you
can picture a gallery in the room with a bunch of guys
cheering from a distance, like the deck of a ship or an
office building. Your passionate response to the man you
are fellating is how he knows you are enjoying it. With
such a fantasy enacted, you gyrate on your partner’s
naked thigh, kick your leg in the air, flex your spine, and
do other body language. You exude the spirit.
tough muscles to the flexible épée, there are points to
focus on, not merely because we’re impressed by the
variation, but because they converge with what men like
and do best.
If, for instance, you find yourself over his buns, you
can reach down and bring his penis up through the
foliage—if his member is gymnastic. Or during 69 as your
face nuzzles his belly, you can pat his member against his
belly—or it may not be up for this play and will halt at
ninety degrees. Be gentle, experimental, and have fun.
The penis is a toy in a way that nothing on our bodies
can act in correlation with, plus each man’s penis has a
different psychology.
Here are some clues that can help you discover his
preferences:
k A long, flexible cock likes some hand support at the
root.
k A smaller penis likes lengthening strokes that
unsheathe it gradually in your mouth.k A thick penis likes manhandling. Go down on this
one vigorously.
k If he’s uncircumcised, tug down on the foreskin with
your lips.
k A prominent coronal ridge should be petted from the
top of the head to the edge of the helmet with feath-
ery touches.
Your man’s penis is truly unique. As you learn to look,
you will see how it asks you for things. It basks and quiv-
ers in response to certain things you can do, and once
you learn, congratulations! Equality involves being able
to see each other!
Frenulum
That soft, hairless, sensitive place under the head of the
cock is called the frenulum. Guys live entire, healthy sex
lives without knowing this. If you are enamored of his
cock, you are probably conscious of this hot spot without
naming it. We want to be passionate, not analytic, in
love, so I’m asking you to learn the word “frenulum” to
ponder how to stimulate it—and then drop it, if you will,
from your active vocabulary.
The frenulum resembles a “V” under the urethral
opening. The particular sensitivity associated with it is
either in an area the size of a shirt button, or extends
up to an inch down the underside of the shaft. In my
ultimate guide to oral sex
46experience, it’s the same deal for the uncircumcised
male, except that the frenulum starts at the inner skin
of the head (and converges with the rest of the penis).
k Your hands support the shaft to stabilize the caress of
your mouth on the frenulum. The coolest thing of all
is to see how you can affect it. Your most potent move
is to strum it with quick licks of your tongue. At each
stroke his pleasure perks. A really witty touch is to tap
on the shaft while you are tonguing the frenulum in
your mouth.
k In 69 you can lap the frenulum crosswise with the
underside of your tongue.
k When the top portion of the penis is in your mouth,
locate and sculpt this feature with your tongue.
You can only “make whoopee” on the frenulum if
you’re involved in passionate foreplay. Somehow, where-
as a man can rise up on his own, you still have to get him
into a very erotic mood. The brain has to communicate
to the nerve endings all over his body before he goes wild
when you tongue the frenulum, so save this up for an
optimal moment!
The Family Jewels
Inside the scrotum lie the testicles, the glands where
sperm and male hormones are produced. They hang out-
side the body as a cooling mechanism, and, biologically
understanding his body
47speaking, as a provocation to the female. One is located
slightly higher, and the lower testicle is a bit larger, a neat
anatomy so men with big balls can sit down. At a man’s
peak of excitement, called inevitability, the testicles rise
up under the penis. You can learn to read this clarion call
that “testifies” to his state.
When it comes to the balls, you can be sure that your
showing up is the best part. So many women neglect
them. We should not view them as an afterthought.
We know that men get hurt in this area. To be hit in
the testicles practically paralyzes a man and knocks the
breath out of him. They are very sensitive, but here’s
where you find the great variation from one man to
another. One man can’t get enough of your tugging and
suckling his balls, while another wants the lightest tap-
ping and feather strokes with your fingertips. Another
guy’s balls are perked for a handball game. Wide open
legs in sex play are a clue to the less sensitive, playful-
type balls. Heavy balls like to be cupped. Some scrotums
are really dwarfed by the penis, but once you nuzzle them,
the testicles will swell and peak with delight.
Don’t hesitate, as that really breaks the mood for a
man, but do be observant of what delights him and what
doesn’t. You can’t tell by his words, but his body language
will reveal this.
ultimate guide to oral sex
48k Begin by cupping and weighing. Tug on them with
one hand while you down-stroke on his penis.
k He may like you to chase the testicles. It’s a bit like
bobbing for apples when you do it with your mouth.
k Every guy likes flickering licks, and you can progress
from licking softly to licking more firmly. Nibble
(with your lips wrapped around your teeth, naturally).
You’ll soon find out how tender or resilient this area
is. Probe between and under with your finger pads and
thumb. The most all-American guy saw I had an
adventurous spirit and asked one of those questions
you can tell somebody’s wanted to ask for a long time:
“Can you get them both in your mouth together?”
Well, you can have fun trying.
k Move forward and back in your caresses, grasping first
one portion, then another. This sends the subliminal
message, “You are so big.”
k Change the temperature of your mouth. Ice your
mouth—take a drink of ice water or a cold soda—the
testicles really wake up to this. Another way is to
open the window on a cold day or when there’s a cool
breeze. Throw a cover over his midsection and leave
his balls naked.
k Using your forefinger rub the perineum in circular
motions, while with your ring finger and pinkie you
tap his balls.
understanding his body
49k As you caress the cleft of his buttocks, ask him how he
wants to have you touch him here (the testicles). This
gives the advantage of already doing something to
him when you communicate. (Based on my experi-
ence, all the talk about verbalizing what you like in
sex does not correspond with what most real guys
want to do with us.) The principle of touching while
you talk is parallel to what you do during a massage by
keeping one hand on the body while using the other
to, for example, reach for the massage oil.
k Hold up his buttocks for better access. He may be a
little too heavy for you to handle, but he will be eager
to help out. Lie sideways, prop yourself on an elbow,
and do all of the above.
Pleasures of the Perineum
Here is a sensitive male region where it’s nice if you have
soft, smooth fingers. If the goings-on occur in the bed-
room, apply a non-perfumey, unsticky lotion to your
hands before you start. (Caswell-Massey, Kneipp, or
Yardley are quickly absorbed and pleasantly herbal.) If
you are lying down he arches up, or if he’s under you, up
he goes when you grab his rear. The perineum, located
between the scrotum and the anus, is before you.
The perineum, discovered of late by sex therapists, is
worth the search. It’s packed with nerve endings, though,
ultimate guide to oral sex
50remember, it’s you who excites your guy with your lustful
fingers, not some anonymous tap dance on Spot X.
Up inside, to the north of this area, is the prostrate
gland. When you press your fingers on the perineum, his
seed starts to stream up, raring to go. The important
thing to understand is that he can be aroused at a low or
high level. Brushing and pressing on the perineum is one
way to transport him into an erotic trance. It is also a
means to maintain your honey’s sexual function, mood,
and interest overall. (In line with the fundamental truth
of “use it or lose it”).
k Try this: When you are making love, raise his buttocks
(if you’re down in the region) or part his legs a bit if
he’s in doggie posture and caress this plain, unmarked
erotic zone without doing anything else to him. Just
kiss, stroke, or massage that one place, and you will
see his penis leap like a pup, twitch, or show some
other happy reaction of his physique. It’s incredible
that we can maintain healthy sex organs in a man by
how we touch him during sex.
While we’re on the subject of the prostate: So many
aspects of stressful living can reduce a man’s sexual
function, including performance, initiation of sexual inter-
course, and the ability to maintain an erection. If he’s
sweating an exam he gets “testy,” meaning something’s off
with his testosterone. Even at twenty this can happen, so
understanding his body
51this is not just about older men. If he’s testy for weeks or
months, his testosterone level should be checked. It’s been
proven that testosterone really is high-test, and relates not
only to a man’s libido, but also to his mood and sense of
well-being. Dr. Ronald Klatz, the president of the
American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine, points out
that testosterone also increases some mental functions,
“particularly visual spatial ability used, for example, in
reading a map.” We all know how a fatigued, irritable male
will drive you to the wrong state, which we hate!
Pesky Hair
Some men shed like Afghan hounds. It can be so bad you
wonder if it’s an aroused porcupine, shedding its quills
because you’re having hot sex. What to do if your man is
like Brillo down there and sheds?
First off, you avoid it. The moment a hair floats out
onto your lip, lift off him and give him a reassuring caress
that says, “More on the way,” and dispose of that hair.
If you feel the hair in your mouth, use serious tongue
action to work it to the front of your mouth so you can
daintily spit it out. If he’s a chronic shedder, you’ll learn
to relax and realize you can edge the hair out of your
mouth while you keep his member inside. Please don’t
avoid the problem; that will only lead to worse trouble
when you’re coughing the hair out of your tonsils!
ultimate guide to oral sex
52Some women never encounter a hair; but if you do
love a shedder, the up side is it’s so cute to find a curly fol-
licle in your bed, so don’t get crazy about it!
The Guy Spots
Men are only orgasmic through the penis, but all over
their bodies are pressure points where excitement is trig-
gered and pleasure intensified. Basically, men have to let
down their guard for the sex to be great. The more they
let go of tension the more blood flows to the genital area,
increasing the power of orgasm. If you’ve enjoyed a shi-
atsu massage, you have had the experience of extreme
well-being transmitting through your system. In order to
find his “guy spots,” use the pads of your fingers to locate
areas that bring him the greatest pleasure and then
remember these spots. Let’s review how you would do
this on a sample guy. You’ll see how there are special ways
to prime him using the “guy spots” to intensify his
orgasm.
k Take your time, using the finger pads, to locate where
he’s sensitive. This is done not in the moment of
greatest heat, but during foreplay, when he still can
communicate. You guide and confirm. “Tell me what
you want” is a turn-on, but you don’t really need the
words. Let him move your hand on the Ouija board of
his back, legs, neck, or pelvis.
understanding his body
53k Pinch and roll your fingers on his earlobes, knead the
buttocks, edge a few inches above the hips towards his
back, capture his ankles. You may use your mouth for
some of this investigating, but mostly it’s a play of fin-
gers. Massage the flat part between the balls and the
back door (perineum). Whatever you touch, hold for
a count of five. If his cock surges, twitches, or perks,
you’ve found a “guy spot.” Remember to breathe
while you plant your fingers with a slow, gradual pres-
sure. Your fingers will go naturally to the eye of his
sensation, hence the Ouija board analogy.
k Sex experts will say to kiss the nipples. I have yet to
find a guy who gets off on having his nipples fooled
around with, although there are always some guys
who would be in favor. So when I contact his nips and
feel it’s not happening, I move on. The perineum is a
shoo-in, but mostly you only know erotic points by
exploring that particular man.
Plan the encounter to concentrate attention on these
spots during the blow job. He may, for instance, give a
beatific sigh when you clasp his ankles, or when you sink
your fingertips in his backside or the hollows of his lower
abdomen. Think of these sexual points as a constellation
of stars. The next time you and he have sex, you are
going to stimulate that place on his ankles and on his
backside in various ways. The finger pressure is just the
ultimate guide to oral sex
54beginning, you can also tease with your tongue, knead
with your knuckles, and even nudge with your knees.
The Male G-Spot
Ellen Barnard, of the adult store A Woman’s Touch, pro-
vides this tip on spelunking for pleasure:
“So there you are, using your talents on his penis, and
you wonder, ‘Could I make this even more fun?’ Yes,
indeed, there’s a particular spot that could add quite a bit
of zing to his pleasure. The easiest way to find the male
G-spot, which is actually called the prostate or his P-
spot, is to slip a very well lubricated finger into his anus,
and curl your finger forward toward his belly button from
the inside. (You can get a snug-fitting latex or non-latex
exam glove and wear that and lube the outside—it will
be very slippery.) You should feel a smooth surface that is
the rectum, and then a lump, sometimes described as
feeling like a spongy walnut. This is his P-spot, and some
guys like it pressed, some like it rubbed back and forth,
some like it tapped. Some guys will come immediately if
you press the P-spot.”
k Be warned, some men are shy of their butts, so before
sticking a finger up, be sure to check out his general
receptiveness to having his butt touched. How do you
know if he thinks that his butt is another pleasure
spot or a no-fly zone? Start by lubing up a finger and
understanding his body
55massaging the outside of his anus, slipping a finger in
if he relaxes and opens up for you. If he’s worried that
anal pleasure means that he’s gay, remind him that
butts don’t have a sexual preference, and that we all
have nerve endings that like stimulation.
k If he won’t let you explore his P-spot from the inside,
you can still give him some P-spot pleasure by rub-
bing his perineum firmly (that’s the spot right behind
his balls but before the opening to his anus). Try
depressing it, stroking it, or patting it, and then ask if
he likes that.
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5612
The Wow Effect:
Men Weigh In A friend of mine is a forty-year-old former champion
figure skater, now an investment banker who skates
for fun. I asked him how he can do the leaps and turns so
beautifully over and over. His answer resonates with me.
“To continue to be good you need to feel that you don’t
know what will happen. You surprise yourself and that is
motivational.”
You are confident and passionate, but also be obser-
vant. It’s a most exquisite pleasure to slip into your
partner’s fantasies.
When does he moan? When does he forget where and
what he is, and go into orbit? It’s a learning curve, and
the way you stay inventive is to back off from this move
or position, and see his response, and what he clamors for
next. Even after years of sex with one person, you are
making love in the unknown. As Joseph Campbell said,
“The perfectly known future is a past.”Let’s Hear From the Men!
“The best blow job I ever had was one day last summer,
driving home from the Yankee game. My girlfriend and I
were stuck in traffic on the Cross Bronx Expressway,
when all of a sudden she leans across the center divide,
unzips my pants, and gives it to me in front of a multitude
of passing trucks, returning Yankee fans, and sundry
other Saturday afternoon drivers. Because my car was
barely moving, I got a chance to observe the shocked
faces of the eighteen-wheeler jockeys as they realized
what they were watching.”
“I love being licked. I once had this girl who would
start on my toes, tonguing each baby bear until she
reached papa bear, which she put into her mouth and
gently sucked. Because I am extremely ticklish, this
caused me to squirm with delight. Working her way
north, she licked my ankles, my calf, the back of my
knee, and when she started up the inner surface of my
thigh, I almost came right then. When she finally
reached the holy land, I was already halfway to heaven.”
“I don’t know what other guys fantasize about, but
when it comes to blow jobs I try to imagine what it would
be like getting one in the most unusual places. Here is my
list of some favorites:
ultimate guide to oral sex
58k I’d love to get blown by a secretary who comes into
my office, shuts my door, and discreetly places herself
under my desk to do me while I continue with my
work. It would be even better if someone walked in
and had a conversation with me, not knowing what
was going on in my desk well.
k I also love the idea of high-risk blow jobs; either doing
it in dangerous places, like on the scaffolding of a
building under construction, or in a public place where
you could easily be discovered, like in an elevator, or
in the far reaches of a public library.
k Another is in a swimming pool, with a woman who
excels at holding her breath.
k I’ve also thought about getting one on a ride in an
amusement park. Debby does Disneyland!”
“Sarah was twenty-two, I was twenty-six at the time.
She was a friend of a friend. We gained an intimacy
where we decided ‘to try each other out.’ She came over
one day, came up behind me in the kitchen, and slowly
dropped my boxers. She slid her hand underneath
(between my legs) and stroked me like a thoroughbred
horse. I turned around, 80 percent stiff, and she licked
up and down the underside, stopping at the balls and
slowly sucking on them. Her hand circled the head as
she softly sucked on the balls. I like that. It was very long
the wow effect: men weigh in
59after that I had a very satisfying explosion. The key to it
was her manipulation of the head. She circled the head
while stroking, anticipating the explosion by feeling the
underside tube filling up. She clamped down on the
head, gently squeezed the balls, and allowed release
while covering the head with her lips. Oh my. Makes me
somewhat aroused just thinking about it.”
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6013
Working Your Body
Application of Tongue C learly the tongue is a sculpting tool in oral sex. Your
mouth has a tongue, your vagina doesn’t, which
explains why oral sex is the favorite way for many sexu-
ally experienced men to finish off.
k Your tongue moves about continuously as you think
and feel (not just when eating). Giving oral sex, you
are going to use your tongue so much it aches—as if
you were practicing the saxophone.
k It took years for me to understand that my tongue
doubled as a sex organ. The first time you French kiss,
the contact of tongues is shocking. Remember how
you felt, “This is so intimate!” You were right!
I want you to discover your tongue all over again, and
apply this to increase the pleasure of your partner.
Usually your tongue comes into play after you’ve
kissed his head and drawn him in and out of your mouth
a bit. The tongue is like the main act that makes adramatic entrance. When you see oral sex in a porn
movie or in an instructional video, you’ll notice how
once the woman starts to tongue the penis, she goes for
it hot and heavy. This is so witless! The tongue of a
Labrador Retriever may lick its leg with that steady
determination, but you want to be more of a pussycat
whose tongue flicks, teases, and syncopates.
I’d like to give you a lovely exercise to try or at least
imagine. Slip a polyurethane glove on the hand you
write with. Dip your forefinger in whipped cream. Now,
flick your tongue every which way—rapidly, slowly,
and even more slowly. The reason for the weird part of
wearing the glove is the finger will be warm and
sensate, but will feel like a foreign body part through
the glove.
You can get your tongue ready for the big act with
popsicles as well. The low-calorie ones are a dessert of
choice, and it’s important your practice be both frequent
and guiltless. Go for something cranberry or orange, not
a two-scoop ice-cream cone with sprinkles. However, if
you are eating an ice-cream cone, do register the happi-
ness of your tongue.
Whether on the proxy or on your lover, have your
tongue:
k Side swipe
k Use only the tip
ultimate guide to oral sex
62k Flick against the corona and on the underside of the ridge
k Do a slow burn
k Go flat against the testicles
k Curl upwards from the perineum, against the testicles.
Continue flicking with your tongue when he’s in your
mouth. These “butterfly” moves are enhancements that
drive a man wild. It sounds obvious, but lots of women
don’t do this.
Finally, don’t try so hard. The women in the aforemen-
tioned films use their tongue like a surgical instrument,
but I recommend you think of it as sculpting tool.
Your Lips Co-Star
k Nibble like a bunny. Apply your lips softly then
firmly. Pucker. You can pucker in a dainty way, or
you can use your lips on him, big, wide, and bold.
k Use vitamin E on your lips. This heals, smoothes, and
rejuvenates. Use a lipstick that temporarily plumps
your lips.
k Lick lime juice or a minty mouthwash onto your lips.
What’s on your lips can give him piquant sensations.
k Moisten your lips now and then, and they will feel
nicer on his genitalia. A glass of water nearby comes
in very handy.
k Your lips create a range of sensations during oral sex.
Imagine you press them into the feathery back of a
working your body
63swan; kiss a piece of quartz; kiss custard, a slice of
mango, or a persimmon.
k Say “Ooooooh.” Use this movement sometimes dur-
ing oral sex, and sometimes pucker your lips around
him as you would on an old-fashioned Coke bottle.
k Blow your lover a fervid kiss as he leaves on a trip. Use
the ardor of that after he orgasms on his spent member.
k In addition, you can focus your lips on the tip, while
you wrap your hands around his hips and actually
maneuver him in and out. Since the lips are dainty
and the hands are holding strong and fast, it’s an
exciting juxtaposition for him.
k Sex guides tell you to mask your teeth. I say teeth and
tongue work together. Lips of a soft mouth caress the
penis and especially the balls, while the teeth graze.
Hand and Mouth Ensemble
How you use your hands to give a blow job is significant.
Dr. Knox, a marriage and family therapist and the
founder of heartchoice.com, says that some women
think only their mouth is important. However, it is the
hands with the mouth that get the job done. The
woman needs to have her hands in motion as her mouth
is the one on the shaft, therefore neglecting the
testicles. She’ll hear him groan and know she’s making
her way home.
ultimate guide to oral sex
64I don’t much care for rules in sex. In fact, this book
breaks one of the biggest, which is the tit-for-tat rule of
sex. So, though we get to hear what Dr. Knox has to say,
let’s at least break down the rule, because by varying one
hand or two, you’ll be even better at oral sex.
Once you have your mouth on the head and are going
down, you can continue to squeeze and stroke down with
your hand. This creates a continuum of sensation paral-
lel to his going deeper inside the vagina. However, you
can also encircle the shaft while you move up and down,
suck, lick, etc., without pressure and barely touching the
shaft. The penis has an incredible musculature that likes
to find its own way, and doesn’t like to be constrained.
When the rhythm of his thrusts is established, you can
abandon the shaft altogether and join the activity of your
other hand, which has been roaming, cupping, petting,
probing, and massaging. The most interesting way your
hands work with your mouth is in slowing down and
moving up launch time. Whatever stimulates him
most—like tonguing his perineum or tapping his balls—
you do while your mouth or hand is busy with his penis.
When you feel his excitement peak, take away your
hands, or take away your mouth. You continue the
caressing contact, but in this fashion you distract him
from climax. It’s like a storm at sea that, as it builds, sends
more and more powerful waves to shore.
working your body
65It is unwise to crowd him with all your favors for the
whole blow job. Change your grip, and remember to drop
the level of stimulation as, overall, it ascends.
The Inner and Outer Cheek Caress
k The fleshy lining of the cheek is similar to what the
penis makes contact with inside a woman. If you open
your mouth and relax your jaw, the penis can push
against the cheek and also nuzzle against it for
moments as you encircle it.
k Your cheek can also be a sort of chilled martini. Suck
on ice cubes before you bring him inside. If you keep
a piece of ice in your cheek, you can work it around to
touch the head of the penis.
k The cheek can give an affectionate hug, patting the
shaft, or dragging the penis across it. This affectionate
gesture becomes a subliminal memory, so when he
kisses your cheek he feels an erotic surge.
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6614
Showing Your Response D o you enjoy having sex? If you do, you are fortunate.
“I’d rather peel an onion than have sex,” an attrac-
tive attorney confessed to me. Both of us were on a flight
back from Miami. I didn’t tell her to give her husband
oral sex, as I might have if I’d known her better. But I did
say, “Go home and light some candles, take a bubble
bath, and let the two of you bond.”
Because you are reading this book, I know you’d prefer
to peel off his clothes than peel the onion; but how does
he know when you are on the top of the world with him?
It comes from expressing passion with wild erotic
movements and noises, like screaming and operatic
notes. Or, if you’re more into the loving end of things,
you can respond quietly—a brook splashing in a deep for-
est. Some men elicit a more verbal response. My friend
Marty says for her, the best lover is very verbal:
“Expressing with words or sounds is key. To have really
quiet sex and go about your business is not fun.”
Silence can be responsive also. You show your passionby sheer enthusiasm that comes over you. As my friend
Gail says, “If you act tired and shift your weight, and he
thinks you are doing this as a favor, it’s no turn on. I
make sounds in the back of my throat—appreciative
sounds and purring; any vocalizing as if you are making
love in the classic way. If you do a little of what you do
during intercourse, it conveys involvement.”
Depending on how turned on you are, your response
is warm and joyful. To remember to show a response, you
can picture a gallery in the room with a bunch of guys
cheering from a distance, like the deck of a ship or an
office building. Your passionate response to the man you
are fellating is how he knows you are enjoying it. With
such a fantasy enacted, you gyrate on your partner’s
naked thigh, kick your leg in the air, flex your spine, and
do other body language. You exude the spirit.
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